Why People Suffer with Brad Chandler

Josh (00:00:00) - Hey, good day fellows. Welcome to Uncensored Advice for Men. Um, today's show's gonna be pretty unique because, um, I showed up for a training course on real estate investing, and I was sitting in, and this guy, he starts sharing his story. Now I'm in a class, an online class for real estate investing, and the guy starts talking about self-love, and I'm like, what the hell does this have to do with real estate investing? But he shared his story, and then he shared some of the successes and, and failures that he had. And I was like, holy moly, this has everything to do with real estate investing and it has everything to do with us guys. So I was like, Brad, will you please come on the show and share that with my friends? And he said, yes. So Brad, welcome to the show, man.

Brad (00:00:40) - Oh, thanks for having me, man. Super excited.

Josh (00:00:42) - All right, let's start with who is Brad? Who are you? Brad.

Brad (00:00:45) - Who is Brad? I'm just like every other, a soul searching for love. Right. Um, who is Brad? I'm a single father. I've been a single father for 12 years. I, um, I don't like to identify with anything because when you identify with something, you kind of attach to it. But what do I do? Um, who, who Brad is. Brad is a, um, uh, was put on this earth to make a huge impact, and he's, he's started to do that over the last year. But I own a real estate business that does 300 flips a year. Uh, thankfully it kind of runs without me. I spent about an hour a week doing that. Um, I'm a boater, I'm a golfer. I'm a kite surfer, and most importantly, um, I'd love to make people happy. So I'm a happiness coach.

Josh (00:01:21) - Cool, man. All right. Kite surfing. Uh, so that's, that's the one where you have a long string attached to a kite, right? Not a, not windsurfing, like back in the day in the eighties. Oh, tell me about that. Before we go into real estate and self-love and all this stuff, tell me about kite surfing. I would, I'm interested,

Brad (00:01:39) - I'll tell you that, um, the, it's the hardest thing that I've ever done by a multiple of five x and, um, I'm determined. Um, I can get up and ride for, I don't know, a hundred, 200 yards. Actually, I, I did a whole downwind, like miles, uh, stretch. So it is, it's incredible. Um, being out on the water and having the power of, of nature and the wind pulling you while you're gliding through the water on a surfboard basically is amazing. Um, but it's really, really difficult. But I think once you get it, the, it's so picking up windsurfing, you do like that, but to master it takes forever. I've been told kite surfing is really hard to get to a point, but when you get to a point, then you can like increase your, your, uh, effectiveness or how good you are, like quickly. Yeah.

Josh (00:02:21) - So you went a mile down coast. How the heck did you get back? Cuz I remember back in the day surfing and I'd, I'd catch a break or something like that and I'd be 200 yards south, and then I'd have to carry my longboard blowing in the wind, sand blowing in my eyes 200 yards back. And that was brutal. How did you, how did you get back?

Brad (00:02:39) - We were in Hatteras, and so it's a very thin, um, stretch of, uh, of land that's between the, the main road. And so we were with a bunch of people and I had my eye watch on, and they just drove down and picked me up.

Josh (00:02:50) - Ah, that's the way to do it, man. Have someone pick you up on the, that way you're not walking back. Yeah. All right. So, so Brad, 300, uh, flips a year. That, that's good. Tell us, you know, for guys listening and who have no clue about real estate, what is a flip?

Brad (00:03:02) - So a flip is, it's two things we do. We either buy a house, fix it up and resell it, obviously buy it for a lower number, fix it up and resell for a higher number. Or we do what's called real estate wholesaling, where we'll get a house under contract and we'll flip or assign the contract to an investor who actually wants to do the work. They'll supply the money. And then we'll get the difference between what we had under contract for and what the new person, the, the buyer has it, uh, that we sold it to him, him or her for.

Josh (00:03:27) - Yeah, I love it. I love wholesaling. It is so fun because you get to be in the real estate game and you don't have to swing hammer. Cuz I'm not good at painting, right? So, um, me neither.

Brad (00:03:36) - Me neither

Josh (00:03:36) - . I'm terrible, man. I, I make a mess. Um, but we, we have, uh, we have some clubs, some real estate clubs and some, uh, programs. Man, I would love for you to teach us how to, how to do that kind of stuff. So you and I will talk about that. But man, we're, we're supposed to talk today about self-love. How does self-love in this idea of, in what you've learned in the past couple years, ta attached to real estate. Man, you're crushing it. 300 flips a year, you're making money, you're going kite surfing, right? You're, you look like a young dude, but you talk about self-love. How do, how do the two connect man, business, money and self? How does that work?

Brad (00:04:10) - Well, I turn 50 in a couple weeks, and I honestly feel more like I'm 25 and people who've known me since, uh, from years ago, look at me and they're like, dude, you look younger, your skin looks better. You talk different. You're, you smile more. I, I, I had a podcast yesterday with a guy and he is like, your energy, I haven't seen you in years and used to have this like, angry energy you'd put off. And he is like, dude, you walked in the room and like, you just blew me away. So how does self-love, what does self-love have to do with real estate? A bigger, better question. I'll answer that, but a bigger question I should say is, what does self-love have to do with everything? It has to do with everything. It has to do with your shitty marriage. It has to do with why your business isn't working.

Brad (00:04:45) - It has to do with why you're overweight. Um, why you drink too much, smoke too much while you're, uh, while you've got O c d anxiety, depression. It's why the war in Ukraine's going on? It's why prisons are full. I believe Josh, every single problem in this world, or at least 99.9% of them comes down to an individual's lack of self-love and that lack of self-love. We weren't born with lack of self-love. We all had self-love, right? That self-love was driven out of us by our caretakers or our parents doing the best that they could, but parenting us in an imperfect way, re uh, uh, putting program into us that didn't work. So specifically in real estate, I talked to coach after coach that's like, look, why can some people take this exact course and crush it and others fail? Well, the ones that fail, they're likely one, one, they prob there's a lot of procrastination.

Brad (00:05:32) - I hear that a lot. Procrastination is nothing more than fear of failure. What is fear of failure? Fear of failure is lack of self-love. You don't feel good about yourself. You're also worried about judge people judging you. Uh, public speaking is all, like, the fear of public speaking is all about fear of judgment. Well, if you love yourself, you don't care if people judge you because you know, if anyone judges you, it's their issue and not yours. So I could go on and on and on, but what has happened in my business, I started real estate 20 years ago, not knowing that I didn't, I wasn't worthy. And I thought if I made a bunch of money, I'd be happy. And I was wor I was worthy. So in the last two years through my transformation, I've shifted that from, look, I don't need to make any money anymore. That's not why I'm on this earth. I'm on this earth to make an impact. And so now I've looked at my business as how can I impact my employees? And I've coached a lot of them to change their lives. How, how can I impact the sellers? How can I do a better job? How can I impact my investors? And since I've switched that focus, like we're crushing it.

Josh (00:06:30) - Yeah, man, angry energy, right? As, as you're, as you're talking, you know, certain key points like stand out in my head and I'm like, man, we gotta dig in on that because I'm an empath, right? I could be in a room and I could start feeling people. I see people and I'm like, Ooh, stay away from that dude or that lady, whatever, because they're angry. And I don't, I don't want that in my world, right? I don't want that. You know, people will call it en energy or frequency or something like that. And I'm like, but you could, you could feel it. You could see it. And nobody wants to be around an angry person. Like what do you think was the cause of your anger? And how, how did you become aware that you were an angry bird?

Brad (00:07:08) - So, yes. So he, um, uh, he pointed out, I said to him in the show, I've never been told that before. And he goes, Brad, he was like, you were great. You were polite. You were cordial. He was like, I just felt this energy coming from you. So I don't know if it was anger, because look, you know what? Anger, anger really is unresolved hurt. It always is. So when you're angry, take a step back and say, what am I hurt from? That, that, that hurt was from my childhood. Like, every single problem that you have right now is a thinking problem. And the thinking, the flawed thinking comes from your childhood programming. So my father would hit me with a belt, my father would make fun of me. I didn't know when my father was gonna like, lose his temper and, you know, throw something or, or lash out or whatever.

Brad (00:07:51) - So that was, that was buried in my subconscious mind from a very, very young age. And that's what I was living with. But I didn't know it just like most people, they don't know why they come home and yell at their kids. They don't know why they've gotta drink three glasses of wine because it's buried in the subconscious mind. How did I figure it out? I went to get my son help for anxiety two and a half, two, a little over two years ago. And I was on a zoom call like this with a, uh, performance coach. And she's like, you have a tick. And I'm like, what are you talking about? She goes, you blink profusely when you talk about your childhood. You probably have some unresolved childhood trauma that's affecting your son's anxiety. Do you want to come out to Park City and work with my ex Navy Seal husband? I said, of course. And Josh, in three hours, three hours, my life was completely changed. I walked outta that bed, that Airbnb bedroom, a completely different human being. And, and mind you, I had been to the talk therapy for decades, three decades I've been to 50 different marriage counseling sessions. None of it was solved. And in three hours, my world changes. And that's about the time now with my clients between three to five hours where everything changes for them.

Josh (00:08:53) - Wow. So you're sitting in a room with a Navy seal, right? And they're like, man, you got, you got a tick, bro. Like, you're, you're blinking. Like, I'm even like nervous about blinking in front of you. You're gonna like, Hey dude, you got some issues, , I probably do. But you, you sit in this room with the, the Navy Seal and you're going, what, what was your expectation? What was your fears walking into that thing? And, and what, what was that environment like? Because now you take what you've learned there and help other people, but you're walking in, it must have been terrifying.

Brad (00:09:19) - So, so Josh, my whole life, and this, this is the same for a lot of my clients, my whole life or, or majority of my life has been spent in personal development. I always wanted to get better. You know, I studied Tony Robbins, I went to Ziglar. I read, I mean, I've, I've read 45 books in the last two years. I was an avid reader, but I never, so, so, so walking in, I was really excited about, oh, maybe I can get better. I had no idea that the thing that was holding me back were these thoughts that were buried in me from childhood. I use the analogy that I was attached to a bungee cord up until two years ago, and I was sprinting as fast as I could, but I had the bungee cord j on my back, and that sprint was to become a better human being. In those three hours, he took out a machete and cut that bungee cord, and I just took off like lightning. Yeah. So I was super excited to, to go into it. I was a little bit nervous maybe about what would, what would turn up, but I was excited. Yeah.

Josh (00:10:13) - So anytime I meet with one of my buddies who's like a seal or a contractor, like badass dude, right? Like, I'm always like, oh my gosh, if, if this guy wants to attack me or something, I, I size people up in their brain. You know, I'm a I'm a dude, but I'm five foot eight. So I'd probably have a Napoleonic complex used to get my ass beat all the time. But, um, when you're sitting in this room, you're staring at this guy, if you had to take away like maybe three lessons that you learned from this dude who helped cut machete, your, your bungee cord and catapult you forward, what are those maybe top three things that you can, you know, teach us today? Yeah,

Brad (00:10:46) - Yeah. So, so what we did is he asked me specifically, the question he asked is, let's go back to times in your life where you felt like you had no control or you felt some type of stress and some type of trauma. So I identified, I wrote down a list of like 10 things that I thought were the biggest impacts of my life that fit those criteria. And then we started talking. We just had a talk conversation. And that conversation went to what was the meaning around those. Because here's the thing, I don't even like to word use the word tr trauma anymore because a lot of people check out, they're like, oh, I don't have ha I didn't have any trauma. Well, yes you did. Trauma could be your little sister coming home from the hospital, and you're, and you thinking your parents loved her more than they loved you.

Brad (00:11:26) - So trauma isn't actual the event. That's a, that's the traumatic event. The trauma is the story that you tell yourself. So what we figured out is what's the story? So a six year old boy, something bad happens to him, pick anything, he gets hit, his father doesn't show up, he doesn't get fed, whatever. What is that six year old boy's brain supposed to do? It's gotta come up with a story to get him through that traumatic event. So the story typically is if something's bad is happening and I'm a six year old, or I'm getting, uh, neglected by my parents, I must be bad. I must be unlovable. I must not be worthy. I am not enough. And your brain's doing its job. It's getting you through a stressful time, but then that's imprinted into your subconscious brain that controls 95% of your behavior on a daily basis. And until you go back and uncover that and reverse that story, whether you're 47 or 87, you're living with it. And it's, it's, it's affecting every area of your life, your intimate relationships, your health, your business, your everything.

Josh (00:12:25) - What if I say, and I'm with you, I'm, I'm tracking, I believe it, I, I'm, I'm, I'm with you on it, and I'm learning. I'm 41 and I'm learning stuff today that's revolutionizing my business, my life, my marriage, how I interact with my kids. But let's play devil's advocate. All right, Brad, this is bullshit, right? Like, something that happened to me six years old, you know, I was never beaten. I was, you know, I've never abused, you know, I grew up in a, you know, middle income family or whatever. They loved me. They were at my baseball games, whatever, right? How could something like, oh, they liked my sister more than me or something like that. How could that affect me in my marriage or in my business? So I'm playing devil's advocate here, right? Y so let's just say I call bullshit on this, and I'm like, dude, I'm, I'm doing well. I'm, I'm, I'm okay. You know, like, I, I think I'm all right.

Brad (00:13:15) - Yeah. So, so the first, one of the first things you mentioned is how could something that far affect me? So our brains are, our brains are incredibly powerful. I, I mean, I think that in the next 20 years, we're gonna just see how powerful our brains are. Cuz they're coming out with new stuff every day. It's, it's insane. One of the things is your subconscious brain. It's only purpose in your body and your mind is to keep you alive so it doesn't know time. So when you shake the bush a thousand years ago and the lion bites your arm, you can never forget that. So whether you're 10 or or a hundred, you don't know time. So we are all just six year olds stuck in a human body. So that's science number one. So how, how can something that far affect me? That's science.

Brad (00:13:56) - So it, you don't know the difference between, your subconscious doesn't know the difference between yesterday and 30 years ago. That story that you tell yourself is, I'm no good. So if you are no good and you're in a relationship, this is, this is an example, real life example, two marriages. My ex-wives would come to me and they'd say, this is a problem I have with you. This is what you did. My subconscious says, see, she's proven my point. You're no good. I've gotta fight or flight. So what do I do? I fight. I turn it into their problem. I make it about them. And then ifl, I flee. I, I fight or flight or flee. , I flee because for three days I'm completely cold. And I don't know why. Now since I have realized that I'm enough and I have self-love, when my girlfriend comes to me and she says, I have a problem, I say, okay, my subconscious says, you're fine. You don't need to go into fight or flight. Let's talk about this. And we talk through it and we become closer as opposed to this. And that's just one example. Your business procrastination. I, I made five business mistakes, Josh, that cost me 9 million. Do you know that all five of those mistakes were around trying to make a bunch of money? Because my subconscious was like, if you can do this, you'll, you'll be worthy. I didn't wake up and say that. So it's con it controls everything. Yeah.

Josh (00:15:10) - So you, you, you kind of, you, you give us one point, right? Like this, take a look at the stories that you tell yourself, right? Look at your past life guys, right? Like, let's look at our past life times in our lives where we had no control, major stress or trauma. What story are we playing? Because those are pegged in our subconscious brain and the subconscious brain does not understand time. Am I tracking right? Am I,

Brad (00:15:31) - Yeah, you're a great, great student.

Josh (00:15:33) - Thank you. I appreciate you, man. Um, I'm learning to be a good student. I never thought you had to study how to be a student. You do. Uh, so the lesson one is you take a look at that and what story are you telling yourself? And you gotta kind of track these out. Maybe what's two and three of, uh, some key points that you took away from that made feel head to head.

Brad (00:15:54) - Before I address those, let me just say something. Um, the, the, the tricky part about doing that is a lot of my clients, almost everyone says, I had a great childhood. And I'm like, I'm thinking to myself, well, you wouldn't be talking to me if you had a great childhood just barn. You just wouldn't, period. Yeah. So it's hard to figure out some of those things until you get into a deeply re relaxed, meditative state. So I use a tool, a hypnosis that we access the subconscious mind. So if you're, like, if someone's out, there's like, well, I don't wanna do hypnosis, or how can I do this on my own? I don't have the money or I don't wanna work with Brad or someone else. Um, I would just, I would just say, do a lot of journaling. Um, your brain is in an alpha wave state as you're going to sleep.

Brad (00:16:32) - I'd be thinking highly in a meditative state, what were the things, you know, think about your childhood, think about what made you happy and what didn't make you happy and the things that didn't make you happy can bring up those memories. Mm-hmm. So that's the, and to answer your question, the two and three things are, well, what do you do about this right now? That, now that you know this, what do you do about it? Well, there's such a thing that's called neuroplasticity, and it's a fancy word for saying your brain's natural ability to regrow new neuro pathways. They didn't know this was possible until a few, few years ago. You, you can literally regrow new neural pathways, which will change your thinking and thus radically change your behavior. So remember, you, you start with a thought. That thought becomes an emotion. That emotion becomes a behavior or an action.

Brad (00:17:15) - And then whatever that behavior in action is, it often verifies the original thought you had. So, I can't make this phone call cuz I'm a failure. Okay? I feel sad, I'm a failure. So then I don't make the phone calls. I make no money. Oh, see, I'm a failure. And you go right back to the initial thought for sure. So the it, it's figure it out. And then how do you solve it? And you solve it by doing neuro. You take a recording and for 30 days, as you're in that alpha wave brain state, as you're going to sleep, you're reprogramming your mind. So, so you wake up and you're like, oh my God, there's nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with you. You are enough. You always were enough and you always will be enough. And when you start to believe the truth, because as a human being, you can't suffer if you live in the truth. Everyone's 99% of this world's suffering is self-inflicted. And it's because we don't live in the truth. We live in this untruth of, there's something wrong with me. I don't belong. I can't get what I want. And it destroys most, it, it, it really negatively affects a lot of people's lives.

Josh (00:18:12) - All right, I love you, but I'm gonna play devil's advocate again. Okay? You can't suffer if you're living in the truth. Let's just say, man, I'm, I'm on fire. Went to coaching with you, uh, met with Tony Robbins, Zig Zeigler. I love Zig, by the way, man. He was phenomenal. What a prime The pump.

Brad (00:18:28) - Prime the pump. That

Josh (00:18:29) - Guy was so in the red head. You know, I love the way he talks and everything about it, right? But let devil's advocate, right? You can't suffer free living the truth. So let's just say, man, I went through all this coaching, neuro neuroplasticity and neurolinguistic programming and alpha waves and I'm, let's just say I'm, I'm the, let's just say I am the best student in the world, but then my kids, my kid, one of my kids get cancer or something like that. How, what do you mean you can't suffer if you're living in the truth? I mean, part of being a human is suffering, isn't it?

Brad (00:18:59) - No. So, so your kid gets cancer. Um, what are you gonna do about it? Is it gonna help your kids' cancer for you to be like, woe is me, this sucks. I can't believe this happened to me. I believe that every single thing in this world happens for you and not to you. So there is a reason your kid is getting cancer. How are you gonna deal with it? Responsibility, the ability to respond. So, no, I would say the truth is, okay, let's deal, let's look at the truth. The truth is, my kid got cancer. Let's figure out what's the best pathway to get my kid healthy.

Josh (00:19:29) - Okay?

Brad (00:19:30) - Not, not, not sit there and dwell on, oh, why is me and this sucks? And, and why is this happening to me? Cuz that, that's kind of the untruth part of it

Josh (00:19:37) - For sure. I, man, I I love my kids. I've got three kids. They're, they're one of my, some of my favorite things first, my god, my wife, then my kids. But holy moly, do I love my kids? God forbid this happens. But let's just say the ne the next worst thing happens, they die. Now what? Now I'm, I'm fucked, man. Like, cuz like that to me is, is the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

Brad (00:20:00) - Yeah, I love it. I'm a parent too, and I agree that's the worst thing that can ever happen. But rom das says, everything in this world that happens is perfect. So your child dies. That doesn't mean that the love ends. The love is still there. Your child. I believe that your child is, all of us are energy, and that energy doesn't stop. It just transfers. So, um, while it can be painful, um, who knows that your child isn't going to a place that is way better than we are sitting here right now. And look, look, we, we may, we're not gonna know this in this life, right? But, but when we, when we pass on, we're, we might learn a lot. We might be like, holy moly, like, this is the life. We got it now. Because I believe we're, we're not going anywhere. I, I think we're gonna be around. I think we've been around, our souls have been around for millions of years.

Josh (00:20:45) - Interesting dude. Yeah. You, you, you're an interesting fellow. Do you, were you always like this or you, you, you said, you know, something happened in your world where you had a transformation within a few years, right? Like what, what was that transformation? Or were you always like this, if I went back to your middle school and had a conversation?

Brad (00:21:02) - No way, man. Oh my God. I mean, I can remember, um, no, I was a hurt individual. So what I did is I hurt people. I, um, I, I, you know, as a kid, I, I wasn't a total bully, but I made fun of people. I got bullied myself. Um, I can remember being in college and being drunk and being like, well, let's see where you are in five years. Like, always talking about how it's gonna make all this money. I was insecure, so absolutely not. I mean, I j I was judgmental. I used to look at someone that was overweight and I was like, what's wrong with them? They're, you know, they're just lazy. And now I look at someone who's overweight and my heart just my, my, I feel for them. And I'm like, they're not overweight because they wanna be, they're overweight because of everything I've just talked about.

Brad (00:21:41) - That childhood programming is why someone's overweight kids use. Can a kid jump in the car when they're stressed and go to the bar and, and have a have a drink? No, but what is in every fri refrigerator in the world? Pretty much, right? Food. So we use it as a coping mechanism. So people use food as an adult, as a coping mechanism. So you, I know you have friends that have lost 60 pounds and then you look back a year later and they're 80 pounds heavier. Why? Because they never addressed the underlying childhood programming of what got them to the 80 pounds of the 60 pounds heavy in the first place. Wow.

Josh (00:22:11) - Yeah.

Brad (00:22:12) - So, no, I've completely changed every, everything the way, the way I see people, the world, everything is different. Yeah.

Josh (00:22:18) - That's cool, man. That is a cool transformation. Um, even just the way, man, I have two questions that I'm trying to work through in my brain. Um, it, it's so cool to see the old Jew and the new you, right? The old Jew judgemental when you see people and such. But you say that, that comes from a place where you were hurt internally or self-loathing, right? Self-love versus self-loathing, right? So that projected out on other people, you'll see me in five years. I'm gonna be richer than you. I'm gonna be skinnier than you. I'm gonna be better than you. Yeah. Two failed marriages and some life trauma. And, and here you are, a transformation occurred. Do you like the better? You better? I know that this is, this is a softball pitch. Do you like the new You better

Brad (00:23:05) - Ju I mean, every day is an amazing day. I mean, it's, yeah, I, I like, it's, I can't even, like, I'm stumbling on my words because I can't tell you how great life is. Why did I used to judge other people? Because I judge myself. Yeah. I didn't feel enough. I was unworthy. No, I wake up every day. I get to do exactly what I love to do. And that's help people change their lives. I've got a business that runs without me. I've got 83 health markers that I test every, every 90 days. Five of them, uh, uh, 8 78 of them are absolutely ideal. Five of them are really close to being ideal. I i, nothing bad happens to me because again, it goes back to if my car breaks down and I can't get to the golf course to have a match, I'm like, okay, there's a reason for that.

Brad (00:23:49) - This is happening for me. Maybe had I pulled outta my neighborhood, a tractor trailer would've hit me. So nothing bad happens to me anymore. So I live in, I i, I get triggered a couple times a month by my 15 year old daughter. She, other than that, no one has triggered me. And if they triggered me, it, it lasts for a second rather than days. So, no, life is absolutely amazing. And here's the thing, everyone can have this, everyone can have this. It's what, what led to this major transformation? Just changing my thinking. That's it. You, and you don't need to go through 30 years of talk therapy. You don't need to run a marathon. You don't need to go build a new house. All you have to do is change your thinking. Yeah.

Josh (00:24:26) - I was just having a conversation with a friend and his in-laws are on a mission trip. You know, they, they sold their business and they're on a mission trip. And he was talking to me and, and what he said was, I think they're doing this cuz they're trying to prove something to their parents, right? The, the grandparents, right? Because they were ministry missionaries or whatever the case may be. And what you said is, you don't have to go do a marathon or a triathlon or build a huge house or make a million bucks. So I think for me, like my friends' in-laws, I've been trying to prove to myself, trying to prove to the world. I've got three businesses now. I'm, I'm always trying to build stuff, right? Like I'm, I'm always like hustling. And I think it's coming from a place where I'm just trying to prove myself maybe to me or maybe to the world. Where does that come from? So

Brad (00:25:17) - , it comes from your childhood programming. And if you want to figure out the truth, go take my three minute quiz, which is only, only 12, 12 questions. Brad chandler.com/love. And you're gonna figure it out because if you score extreme self-love, I'll be the first to tell you, Josh, I don't think you're trying to prove anything. I think you got everything together. If you score mild self-love or lack of self-love, don't look at that as, oh, whoa, as me look at that as, oh, my life can change profoundly. So two years ago, two and a half years ago, I've lost track of time. I bought a 42 foot boat. This was before my transformation. Yeah. Three years, three years ago, sorry. Three years ago, coming up on July, I bought a 42 foot boat, 60 days. I never owned a boat in my life. 60 days after owning it, I didn't even know how to read a chart, a nautical chart.

Brad (00:26:02) - And I'm like, I'm going to The Bahamas. Literally, I get in the boat, I start going, and it was, it was the funnest time of my life. The most fun I've ever had. But it was dangerous. It was, it, I took risk. I mean, I, I could have died. I went into some rough waters on one engine, a new boater. I mean, it was, it was a, did did I wake up one day and say, Hey, I'm gonna do this. No, I did it because my, my subconscious mind was saying, if you get to The Bahamas and you take all these pretty pictures on Facebook, maybe people will think you're worthy.

Josh (00:26:31) - Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's, we were also, um, my buddy and I were talking about the, uh, social media, right? I, I deleted my Facebook, I deleted my Twitter, and I'm not on Instagram. The only one I'm on is on LinkedIn and that's for business. But every day I want to delete it. For this reason. I am so driven by likes, comments, and shares and, and like, it, it's, it's a false metric because bots are doing it now. People aren't even doing it anymore. It's just like little AI programming kind of thing. But it's just like, I get such a dopamine hit when someone likes it come. And, and I know that about myself. But what it does for me as I'm talking to men or writing books or something like that, I feel like my message gets slanted towards the applause of people in instead of the truth. And I think that from what I'm hearing from you, man, I think that comes from a place where I'm not fully healed or I need some growth, or I need, um, I need, um, I need some self-love probably, right? Because then I don't care so much or need the self love of other or the love of other people. Is that a correct as assumption ab?

Brad (00:27:45) - Absolutely. So you have everything that you ever needed to be happy right inside of you. And what we do is we spend our whole lives looking for the woman, the car, the boat, the money, the company, the social media likes thinking that's gonna do it and it never will do it. And that's really what, what I figured out two years ago in Park City is that I have everything I need to be happy. And no matter how much money I have, I'm still gonna be happy. Yeah. Because I don't need anything out external. Like, you can never be lonely. You should, you got every, you got everything you need.

Josh (00:28:17) - Yeah. Park City's a great place for that kind of discovery. Uh, were you at Sundance?

Brad (00:28:23) - I wasn't. No. No. I just read the Airbnb in. Got

Josh (00:28:25) - It. You gotta go during Sundance, it's so cool. You're walking down the street and you see like celebrities walking by you and hey, oh, there's John Hammond. And you know, then you go skiing. It's really, really cool place. Sorry, I I side railed us. Uh,  back to us, Brad. Um, as you're building this out, right? You're making money, 300 flips a year, you're probably doing okay financially, right? Like you're, you don't have to go work tomorrow to, to put bread and food on the table, right?

Brad (00:28:48) - Nope. I'm in a good possession.

Josh (00:28:49) - Okay, cool. Then what does it matter? Why are you even freaking doing coaching? Why not just like, Hey man, I'm living the life and I get to go invest in more stuff. Or, you know, travel the world on a yacht or whatever the case may be. Like, why coach?

Brad (00:29:03) - So for 47 years, I often question my purpose. Why was I put here? Why was I put here? And, uh, if you are in that same boat and you're questioning what's my purpose? It's really, really hard to find your purpose when a lion is chasing you. And if you have this childhood programming and you have lack of self-love, the lion's chasing you. So you're in a constant fight or flight, 70, 80, 90% of your day when you can, when you can st ha ha kill the lion. That, that, that doesn't even exist. Um, your life purpose presents itself. My life purpose was presented so clearly to me when I came back from Park City and I looked around Josh, you know this, I mean, everyone listening to this is either suffering or knows can, can list a hundred people that are in bad marriages. Alcoholics use weed all the time, have depression, anx anxiety.

Brad (00:29:49) - I mean, for god's sakes, 33% of Americans are on an s s r i, an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety. So I come back and I look around and I'm like, what? I'm like, this is crazy. Like, there's a fix for this. There is a, there is a, my program's five weeks, but the magic happens in three to five hours of working directly with me. Nothing special about me. Other people can do this too. And I thought to myself, this, this is it. I have got to help humanity. I've gotta help help the world. So this, that's why I do it. I'm, I'm gonna turn 15 in a couple weeks. I feel like I'm 25 more than I do 50. I'm gonna live to be 110. Cause I'm also a health and longevity nut for 60 years. My goal is to reach at least a million people. I want a million people to have the same feeling that I have every single day. Because that's what you deserve. That's what life is about. Life isn't about suffering and struggles. Life is about joy and love and being close and connected with loved ones and friends.

Josh (00:30:42) - Yeah, for sure. For sure. Um, super interesting. And you have a goal to hit a hun you know, impact a hundred or no, A million people.

Brad (00:30:50) - A million people. A

Josh (00:30:51) - Million people. Cool. Yeah. You and I should chat about this afterward, but, um, as you're going through life, as you're going through life, and let's just say you could only accomplish one more thing in your world. Let's just say 110 doesn't happen. Whatever case may be kite surfing accident, right? I'm not wishing that on you by the way. But let's just say you and I are sitting at the pearl gates in heaven and we look back and, and, and you look back in your life and you've accomplished the one thing. What is that one thing? Let's just say it's not 110 years old, let's just say that, that it comes sooner. What is that one thing that you want to make sure that you accomplish before you pass?

Brad (00:31:26) - You know, um, it sounds really simple, but just helping the next person change their life. I have made, um, you know, up to $300,000 on one real estate deal. And I got a text two months ago from a guy who reached out to me cuz his marriage was on the brink of divorce. And he said to me, he sent me a text and said, thank you for changing my life and my family's life. That's it. J just continue to do that. I don't, a million would be good, but if I can just change one person's life when I'm laying on my deathbed, I can think, you know, that person, I changed their life. And, and that's, you know, that's it. That's great.

Josh (00:32:01) - That's pretty cool. You and I are going on a trip together. You and I closest, huge deal, boom. Three, another 300 grand in our pockets. And we launched your coaching program online. And a million people sign up and text all day long. You're awesome. You're awesome, right? You changed my world, right? Let's just say we hit these two awesome mile markers, money and impact, and we're on cloud nine. And you and I go away to celebrate, right? Like, we have a group of coaches that we did this together with, and we go somewhere, where are we gonna go to celebrate? And what, what kind of event are we gonna do and what kind of tattoo would we get?

Brad (00:32:34) - Wow. So I'd never get a tattoo, but if I had , if I had to, I would probably get a tattoo that says love heals all, because that's what I end everything with. Um, where would I go? Um, wow. Uh, uh, probably, you know, my, my favorite's Jamaica. So I've been there so many times, maybe somewhere I haven't been Australia or Greece. And the event would be, um, I don't drink. I stop drinking, I stop using weed because I don't need to anymore. I don't need to change my state. Most people do that to change their state. I don't need to. And we would have, uh, we'd have an awesome celebration, probably kite surfing and hanging out at the beach and playing volleyball and uh, uh, wake, wake surfing. I love to wake surf. Yeah.

Josh (00:33:15) - Wake surfing's fun, man. Yeah. That would be, that'd be awesome, man. Let's do that. Let's go close a a big real estate deal. Let's, let's hit impact a million people. And then part of the plan is we gotta, uh, uh, we take our families to, to Australia to do some kite surfing. All right?

Brad (00:33:30) - Yeah. The, the, the point of the real estate deal, I didn't really say this, is that the $300,000 means is the impact it has. Like compared to that text that I got, it's so much more fulfilling to hear me, to hear someone say, you helped me change my family and my life and my family's life. And that's why I, looking back, I've lost, I never had passion for real estate. What I had passion for was making money that I thought would change my, my sense of self-worth and happiness.

Josh (00:33:56) - It's interesting. All right, let's talk about alpha waves, right? You have done a lot of work in terms of self-reflection. Cuz even just that comparison, 300 grand on the table versus that text message, you would say, I'd choose that text message again. Right? At what point did you start to realize that maybe the money wasn't the main motivator, maybe real estate wasn't the main drive. Like, talk to us about the, the, the moment. Maybe it was in an alpha state or something like that, that you had that light bulb go off.

Brad (00:34:29) - Well, I was in a, um, I was in a c e o I was a member of Vistage, a c e o organization 10 years ago. And we were in a meeting and someone said, why houses? Why houses? And, um, why'd you own a hundred houses at one time? And when I was 10 years old and my father left, uh, divorce, they got divorced, he, he stopped, uh, supporting us financially. My mom and my three sisters. And my mom at one point in time said, we may lose this house, the house that I grew up in, we may have to move into public housing. So I think, I think that had had a, had an impact on me. Um, so I learned that 10 years ago. But it was really, you know, within the couple months of coming back from the, from Park City, uh, whatever, uh, intensive where I realized that, oh my God, it was, it was never about real estate. It was always about money. Mm-hmm.

Josh (00:35:16) - . Yeah. Yeah. That is so interesting. The, the childhood things. Here's, here's my traumatic thing. 10 years old, my dad was badass. Vietnam vet shot twice, gutted, crashed two helicopters, right? My dad taught me how to, you know, how to kill people at age 10. We were watch Rambo and such like that. So my dad was my hero badass dude. I was 10 years old. Uh, this was in 1990 ish. He was in construction. And construction was really bad in, in, uh, 1990, especially South Florida. And my dad cried. I've seen my dad cry maybe three times in my life, or show emotion at least. And he cried. And it was about money. I made a promise to myself at 10 years old. I was like, I'm gonna fix money issues. Read all the, not all the books. I've read shit ton of books about money and buying houses and real estate. And that was a, a major driver for me. But if I look back, that was my traumatic event. Let's, let's wrap up and start putting a bow on this.

Brad (00:36:19) - So, so I gotta tell you, uh, so you, you were a child and it's called learn helplessness. You couldn't help your father, the person, one of the people that you l loved the most. So your subconscious was probably telling you, why can't I help him? I'm not enough. I can't do it. I'm no good. I'm not worthy

Josh (00:36:38) - Learned helplessness, that is so freaking like monumental. And here's why. I built millions of dollars worth of stuff I've, you know, um, from real estate to some business stuff and I've been a part of really things. But every time I got close to that success of what I was chasing, it went further away from me. I've been bankrupt, I've been on food stamps. I've, I've self-sabotaged the majority of the shit in my life, right? And I'm unlearning some bad habits and these kind of things. So as we put a bow on this and, and talk about that one situation, let's just say I'm spending some time with you and you go, you hear this story, now you get to know me a little bit. How do I reprogram that story?

Brad (00:37:26) - Yeah, I mean, I, it, so, so, uh, I have a five week program and we spend five weeks reprogram that story. The, the first week we basically, you know, figure out the source. We, we, we talk about how the change is gonna happen the second week we do a deep dive into your childhood and what the life that you're really looking for in your dream life looks like. And then the magic happens in the third session. And it's a two hour hypnosis session where I put you into a deeply, um, relaxed state and I ask you questions around that and what your meetings were around those, what meaning did you give it? And then I, I make that recording and for 30 days you listen to it and you know, you wake up and, and all of these patterns and all these things that were driving your life no longer will.

Josh (00:38:05) - Super cool. Where could guys go to take the test and to, uh, explore coaching with you?

Brad (00:38:12) - Yes. So the quiz is just, uh, 12 questions, three, three minutes at tops. It's brad chandler.com/love. And then if you go to brad chandler.com or brad chandler.com/contact, I put out a daily message on this stuff. And so you can, all of my social media links my cell phone number, how to schedule a call is all on that brad chandler.com/contact.

Josh (00:38:32) - Super cool. Brad, what questions should I have asked you during this interview that I screwed up and you're like, Josh, I can't believe you didn't ask me this question. What question should I have asked? I

Brad (00:38:39) - Mean, you, you, you did an amazing job, but, um, I think it's why do people suffer? And I think we covered it. Um, it's, it's, it's living in the untrue and those untruths are formed through childhood programming. And here's the one thing that you have to understand more than anything, no matter what position that you're in, in your life or situation that's not going well, it's not your fault. You're not lazy, you're not bad, you're not a bad father, you're not a bad husband. You may have bad behaviors, but they're all driven from this childhood programming. And the beautiful thing is it can be turned around in a matter of hours so you don't have to suffer.

Josh (00:39:14) - So I'm, I'm, I'm on a path of self-discovery and self-growth, right? Like I'm, I'm all in on this and I'm motivated for it. I'm a motivated dude, right? I'm, I'm driven. But what drives me even more is to empower my kids to program, like, to learn healthy programming cuz I want them to be healthier than I was. So I'm gonna learn from you. I'm gonna learn, you know, side by side with you and, and, um, and I appreciate you, you teaching us, cuz this is for my kids. This is from me and I appreciate you, man.

Brad (00:39:49) - Oh, you're welcome. So that may being, the one thing I should have said, I should have said you didn't ask is how does lack of self-love affect my children? So if you go and take that quiz and you score mild self-love or lack of self-love, there's a 0.0% chance that you haven't and you aren't negatively affecting your children. Your children were not asked to be brought into this world. You brought 'em in. So I think as parents, the, the number one thing that you can ever give your child the greatest gift is to break this multi-generational curse that most of us are involved in. Because our parents didn't wake up and say, Hey, I'm gonna screw up Brad. They did the best they could based on their parents and their parents and their parents' parents. So how do you break this? Because if you don't break it, they're gonna go meet on whole people and they're gonna have un hold, uh, uh, offspring.

Brad (00:40:31) - You do it by teaching them how to love themselves unconditionally. And the only way that you can teach a kid how to do that is you've gotta do it yourself. You've got to get to that extreme self-love. So then you can teach your kids that. I promise you, I, I was a single dad for, I have been a single dad for 12 years. I was the father that did everything for my kids, yet my one un unworthiness affected my kids and has caused anxiety and peer attachment and other issues with them that were unwinding right now. Wow. So if you're on the fence about getting, getting the work and you go take the self-love quiz and you're milder or lack of self-love and you have children, you really owe it to your children to do the work because they're gonna have problems. If they're not already having problems, they're gonna have problems. And if they do have problems right now, you are definitely the source of it. You and, and their mother or caretakers are definitely the source of it, but I can all be fixed.

Josh (00:41:20) - Awesome. Awesome, Brad, man, thanks for, thanks for showing up today. I, I really appreciate you and I love you man. Um, love you too. Yeah. Guys in the audience, um, as always reach out to our guests and say thank you. Their contact information will be in their show notes below. Reach out and say, Hey, heard you on the show and I need some help. Or, Hey, I appreciate what you're doing. Just send some encouragement, send a note. Um, if you have some wisdom and advice that you'd like to share here on Uncensored advice for men, go to uncensored advice for men.com. Fill out a quick form and we'll get you on the show next till then we'll talk to you all on the next episode. See you guys.

Speaker 2 (00:41:58) - I can learn how to turn this thing off. Here we go. .