Finding Purpose and Joy in Work and Life with Richard Haddrill

Josh (00:00:02) - Good day, fellas. Welcome to Uncensored Advice for men. This show is for you guys, I love you. I'm proud of you for listening in to a show that's going to challenge you and that's going to, uh, open your world to other, uh, other lives that our guests have lived. Uh, my encouragement to you is, number one, keep going on this journey of personal growth, too. If you need something. My cell phone is (352) 274-4500. You can shoot me a text. I get a lot of guys reaching out saying, hey, I'm really struggling with fill in the blank. I might not be the guy to help you, but I know a lot of friends. And then three reach out to our guests and say thank you for freaking being on the show and sharing your journey. So with that, enough of me talking. You don't tune in to hear me talk. I have awesome guests like this man today. Start out with who are you, Mr. Richard?

Richard (00:00:54) - Hi.

Richard (00:00:55) - Well, thanks, Josh, for having me on the show and my congrats to you and thanks to you for all you do for the guys, and to all your listeners for being interested in personal growth. So my name is Richard Hadreas, and I grew up in Detroit in a very working class neighborhood on Seven Mile and Evergreen and, um, you know, went on to school, worked hard, became the CEO of three different companies. Before that, I was in charge of a big division for Ernst and Young, all the entrepreneurial services for the US. And now I'm in what some people would call retirement mode, but it's really, uh, work and half time and play in half time because I love to work.

Josh (00:01:32) - Yeah. Super awesome. You were referred by a mutual friend, uh, Doctor Katrina. So shout out to her for putting this together. She's a top rated expert in podcasting and executive coaching. Powerful. I listened to your interview, and you made a statement during that interview being, you know, CEO of publicly traded companies.

Josh (00:01:52) - And you've had a phenomenal success in your career. Someone. If someone bet on you financially at the beginning of your journey, it would have had a great return. Do you remember that conversation with her and what you said?

Richard (00:02:09) - Oh yeah. I think at one time, you know, you always see how much I would have made if I invested in this mutual fund over so many years. I think I figured out if you put $10,000 when I first became CEO of a public company and kept it in across all three companies over 20 years, it would have grown to, I don't know, 12, $14 million, something like that. So it was a pretty good return for investors. Yeah, yeah.

Josh (00:02:33) - I just got off the phone with a, um, a private equity group, and he asked me a question and I and this is how I think about it, because it goes along with what you just said. He said, Josh, you and I do a deal. We make a lot of money.

Josh (00:02:45) - What are you going to do with that money? You know, I said, I want to keep it with the good people, right? If I find a good person to invest in, I want to keep on rolling that back in. I might take some pennies out to take my wife out to dinner or buy a new gun or, you know, something fun. But when I find a winner, I want to keep on betting on them. So, you know, you have won consistently over your career. Um, what would you attribute some of your winning to?

Richard (00:03:13) - Well, you know, you hear it a lot. Uh, and first, just acknowledgment to you for being a shrewd investor and, uh, well connected in the financial business community. But I would say you talked about people, right? And, uh, it's like football or sports. You win with people. And so trying to get the right people, motivate them, not stand in their way, get them to work as a team.

Richard (00:03:35) - You know, it's always been my key to success, treating people fairly, doing the right thing. You know, you hear all these stories in the paper about the bad CEOs, which are maybe less than 1%. But the vast majority of leaders I know in business, they're trying to do the right thing, take care of their suppliers, take care of their people, take care of their customers, and good things happen. Yeah.

Josh (00:03:55) - For sure. When you're looking across the table, how do you know if there are good potential? Better bad. Like when you look at a person because you've. Yeah. If like let me backtrack just one second. If you had to count how many employees you've managed over the years and put a number to it, well, how many do you think that adds up to?

Richard (00:04:15) - Oh, gee, it's probably over 10,000. Maybe. Probably more than that. Yeah. Especially if you include the. Yeah. So it's a lot of people a lot.

Josh (00:04:23) - All right.

Josh (00:04:24) - So when you've done something 10,000 times right. And now you might not have had an interaction with every single 10,000 people. We get it right. That would take a very, very long time if you but you've learned some skills about looking at someone and going, this is a potential winner. I might be right, might be wrong, but you've also seen some yellow flags and red flags. What are the green, yellow and red flags that you look for in people?

Richard (00:04:49) - Uh, boy, that's a great question. And obviously the first meeting is sometimes difficult to learn all those things. But one red flag for negativity is the ihii person, right? If somebody did everything themselves, they didn't have a team. They didn't do it with others like, oh, well, how well are you going to play on our team? And are you just bullshitting me? Um, so the AI factor is one, um, you know, the consistency of success. I don't mind if people have had failures. That's how you learn and grow.

Richard (00:05:21) - But being able to directly talk to me about what went wrong, what you learned from it, that's not a negative. That can be a positive. Right? Like some of your your listeners here probably had challenges. They work through it. They're better people when they come out the other side. So I don't mind some failures. You don't want to see consistent failures. You don't want to see somebody who doesn't have, uh, the stick to itiveness. You know, if you see them moving around too often. Why is that? So those are the kind of warning signals. If I really like somebody, you know, then I often want to have a second meeting. If that's an important position, do some due diligence on their background. I've even gone so far as to do psychological profiles on key hires. Where what's their personality will fit in with our team? What's their aptitude really to grow? Uh, what's their attitude towards, uh, towards high energy work workplace, which is what I like to have.

Richard (00:06:13) - So lots of different things to do. Depends on the situation. Yeah.

Josh (00:06:17) - Yeah. You're awesome. Thank you for sharing. Um, I'm going to I'm going to get naked with you. Not literally, but I'm going to expose I'm going to expose my. Yeah, let's not do that. Guys. If you're tuning in to see that, you've got the wrong show. Uh, Richard, uh, I'm going to get naked for a second and expose myself. When you talk about stick to witness consistent successes. My background, someone has, uh, someone has looked at me, one of my mentors, and he said, Josh, your background is a dumpster fire. An absolute shit show in terms of, like, the number one message I get on LinkedIn is congrats on the new business you started. Congrats on the new job, congrats on the new career, my my life. And I'll and I want to I want to catch your opinion and your advice on this because this and this might rub you wrong because maybe, maybe you look at it and you're like, wow, Josh, you are a dumpster fire.

Josh (00:07:11) - Yeah, but I spent my life. I'm 42 now and I'm finding my way. And I started finding my way in my late 30s, but it took me. I'm a late bloomer, and my first half of my life was trying to figure out who the hell I am, and that's one of the reasons we started this show. But that was such a challenge for me to find out my my gifting, find out my talent, find out where I fit in this world. And it was brutal to get there. I almost killed myself trying to get to that point. So as you hear that and you see that, what comes to mind in your in your heart, because you also do a lot of work and invest in and support men like me who might have had a more rugged past and more of a shit show. Right. So what are your thoughts, man?

Richard (00:07:55) - Yeah, well, first of all, like how you're dealing with it. Like, you tell me this is my what I went through.

Richard (00:08:01) - So that's a good thing. If people know who they are or have figured out who they are and and want to participate in my endeavor, the team's endeavor, whatever we're doing, because you have to be real with yourself, right? And acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses. And you talk about challenges. Uh, I don't know if I mentioned to you, but my oldest son was a hardcore drug addict and drug dealer at 15. And, I mean, it had guns pulled on him and out all night and stealing my cars. I had I had two bodyguards. One of them used to be Fidel Castro's bodyguard to guard him. He still figured out how to get out of the house. So. But at the end of the day, he fixed all that took a year, you know, we went to the outdoors. He went to restricted high school. And now at 26, he's been a successful entrepreneur, hasn't had a drug or a drink since, uh, since he was 17 and, and is doing terrific in life.

Richard (00:08:53) - But, you know, he had to go through a tough spell and he's better for it. Yeah. So anyway, there's just we all have pitfalls and things that have we stumbled on. And the key is did you grow from it. Did you learn from it. It's not that when you see somebody never had anything go wrong there's some bullshit there, right?

Josh (00:09:11) - Yeah, yeah. And I tell you, when you've worked with 10,000 people like you have, you could sniff out bullshit pretty quickly, right? Your bullshit sniffer is good. Yeah, yeah.

Richard (00:09:20) - Um, and when an employee has a problem when they're working for you, you try to help them get through it. Now, if somebody has chronic problems, they can't fix them. Uh, you know, then that's then we can't babysit everybody. But you try to give any employee who has a problem an opportunity to turn that around with some help and coaching. But if they if they can't. And you got a part ways. Yeah.

Richard (00:09:39) - You know.

Josh (00:09:40) - What do you think was the turning. And now you're looking at it from a father to son, which is such a a it's a beautiful blessing. But it's also the causes the most. I have more anxiety. Haven't I have three kids? I'm like, Holy moly. Like, I thought I was a loosey goosey, you know, like in terms of, like, free will, everything's going to be okay. And then I had kids and I'm like, I'm worried about them, I love them, I want them to succeed. I don't want them to struggle like I did or, you know, try to, you know, think about killing myself all the all of the above. So from a fathers perspective to son. And one day we're going to have a chat with your son on this. But like, what do you think was his. Turning point that he turned the corner towards. Now he's Uber successful, cranking it, doing amazing.

Richard (00:10:26) - Uh, self-reliance. I think he figured out that life was about taking care of himself.

Richard (00:10:34) - Right? So in other words, the first thing when he dealt with the drug issue was he went to the wilderness for three months. And out there, if you don't make a fire, you're cold at night. It was during the winter in the mountains of Utah. If you didn't cook your food, you didn't eat that night, and if you didn't carry your backpack, you didn't have clothes for the next day. So all of a sudden, it's the kind of self-reliance I learned it in Boy Scouts as a young kid was invaluable. He learned that, and once he learned that, he knew he could do things. He also realized what he was missing. He missed his parents. He missed his brother. You miss things. So he started to realize what was important to him in life. So that period in the wilderness was really great for him. And and by the way, I want advice I give people, if you're ever feeling down, go spend some time outdoors. Just go for a walk, go for a hike, go for whatever you do outdoors.

Richard (00:11:22) - There's some about that brings some serenity, you know.

Josh (00:11:25) - That's so beautiful. All right, here's a question. I was just at a men's meeting this morning, and the the icebreaker question that they asked us was, would you prefer to spend time in the wilderness or on water? What are your thoughts?

Richard (00:11:40) - Who? Yeah, that's on my two favorite things mountains and waters. I love desert right behind it. Um, you know, I think if I had only one choice, it probably would be the wilderness. Um, because there's that, uh, spirituality, uh, to it and, uh, and that sort of. Well, there's fear in both, you know, if you're on the water, it's fearful a little bit. If you're in the mountains, it can be fearful and you're trying to always grow. But I'd probably slightly pick the wilderness, and maybe it's because I get motion sickness on the ocean if I'm on it for too long, I don't know. Yeah. So that's a tough icebreaker question.

Richard (00:12:16) - Yeah, yeah.

Josh (00:12:17) - I get seasick.

Richard (00:12:18) - Cause.

Josh (00:12:19) - Of the water even though I get seasick. So I grew up surfing. I love the lakes. I love swimming, paddleboarding, uh, surfing, uh, boating is fun. I just don't nothing off shore unless I'm in a really big boat. Like a cruise boat. Yeah, right. I like I like inshore, more inshore fishing. I'm not a fisher, but, like, I like, like being water. Um, you mentioned being in the wilderness. There's something spiritual about that, right? And on this uncensored show, we talk about things that most people won't talk about. So what is your what's your views when walking into the wilderness? How does it impact you?

Richard (00:12:56) - Well, it's, you know, it's God personified. It's like how how big is this universe? This planet? What about all the other people, all the other things on it? And it just puts you, you know, when you're looking at the big trees or the vastness of the landscape, it just makes you realize you're not the center of everything.

Richard (00:13:16) - And once you figure out that it's all about the other guy. Yeah, life gets a lot better. Yeah.

Josh (00:13:22) - Yeah. So I like to ask this question. This is totally, you know, left field. Uh, you and I are hanging out around your your house or your place of business or something like that. And the house is catching on fire. Everybody gets out safe, animals get out safe. But you could go in and grab one material thing that's important to you. What is that one material thing that's going to that you're going to grab and why?

Richard (00:13:45) - Well, you probably hear this from others. I keep albums of the family, everything we did every year. Now most of that's on computer, so it's either my computer or my. But it's to get the family memories because a couple times a year I like to flip through those and remember all all the great experiences and enjoy that. But that's probably it, you know? My dog died a few months ago to be my dog.

Richard (00:14:10) - Yeah.

Josh (00:14:10) - So yeah, well, all animals got out. So me, you and your dog are sitting on the front porch looking, you know, the the the firefighters just put out the the fire. But you and I are sitting on a rocking chair, and we have that photo album, and we open the photo album to a specific page, and your eyes start tearing up and you go, this is one of my fondest memories that I've. That we've captured. Walk us through what that fondest memory is.

Richard (00:14:34) - Oh, I suppose you know, I unfortunately missed the birth of my terrific second son, but the birth of my first son, I was there. We did it in the home, you know, natural home birth. And it was, you know, a long journey because that first kid is always tough on the on the woman. And he happened to have a very big head. But anyway, once he came out, it was all worth it. So yeah, it would be that picture.

Josh (00:14:55) - Yeah. That's it's so powerful. Um, we had two home births. Well, one was a a birthing center, and then I delivered my third. My wife say I caught, but I delivered my she said I delivered. I did all the work. You just stood there, right. Uh, but I delivered two of my three kids, and I thought that was so amazing to see and to be a part of that. So that those are definitely some of my most fondest memories. Messy memories, but fond, you know, like very beautiful.

Richard (00:15:25) - Yeah. And it might not have been the same for your wife because it's pretty painful, but it's still special for sure.

Josh (00:15:30) - Yeah, yeah. For sure. All right. So, Richard, you hit a crazy level of success, right? You're doing well for yourself. You're you're you're cranking. You're 70 years old. We're already talked about birthdays and, you know, gonna carry our conversations. But you choose to work. You like to work, right? I think a lot of men, they go because I've interviewed 2500 of us.

Josh (00:15:54) - They go, man, when I hit this financial thing, I'm going to and, you know, kick my feet back up, I'm going to F.U. Money and, you know, get a beach, get a yacht, get a whatever. What what is your thoughts on that? When you talk to some of your peers that are starting to cash out and retire or whatever?

Richard (00:16:14) - You know, it's interesting, very few people that I know that have been successful, many of them try it, but they quickly come back to realize that this doing the other thing isn't what it's cracked up to be, whatever that other thing is. So, uh, having seen that so many times. And then I also saw the sad side of it, which is, you know, at Ernst and Young where you work and build yourself by the hour. It's a consulting and county firm. And these, these guys that worked for 40 years, the same place. Then they retire. And having worked so intensely Bell and by the hour keeping track of your hours nothing to do.

Richard (00:16:48) - They can have illness problems in addition to depression and sadness. So it's very important for me that my, my advice to others is just as you get towards some financial goal or age goal, think about the transition is being gradual because there's no better game than work. You have to have a purpose no matter what it is. It can be a charitable purpose, it can be family, it can be whatever. But when you get up in the morning, you want to be excited to get out of bed.

Josh (00:17:13) - Yeah, I there's no.

Josh (00:17:16) - Better game than work. Uh, laboratoire est or something. There's a Latin phrase. Gosh, I can't even remember. I tried to sound smart just then I failed, but it says to work is to pray. And it it ties work as a purpose. Like we were built, men were built to work. And a lot of times we. So two problems that I see and I'd love your thoughts on this. One is when someone hates the work that they do for me, I'm like, maybe that's why I had so many jobs.

Josh (00:17:45) - I had to figure out all the things I don't want to do. So that's one. And then two when they retire and they stop working. I've seen men just like drop dead boom as soon as they retire because they lost their drive, their will, their purpose of showing up and adding value. What are your thoughts?

Richard (00:18:02) - Well, especially, I think, men of my generation, where in many cases they were the breadwinner. And, uh, the wife's purpose was family and housing and managing things. And then so all of a sudden, they really their purpose drops off dramatically. Uh, so I think my thoughts on it are just that you've got a plan for what you're going to do next, and work should be fun. I have found the business world to be like chess on 3D. It's very interesting. It's very. So like, what are you going to do this more interesting. So when you stop doing that, what are you going to do that's going to keep your interest up and make you want to get up in the morning.

Richard (00:18:40) - So that's why I like business. But whatever you're chosen, trade or craft is if that's something that you like, how can you keep doing it part time? I mean, yes, our body, we have to. I spend more time on my body every day at 70 than I did at 40, you know? But at the same time, uh, and other things, spend more time going to the doc, and I spend more time in leisure activities. But I still love the game at work. Yeah.

Josh (00:19:03) - The game. It's it's so cool when you find someone who is enthralled in their work. There's another saying, the, um, man, we're having a spiritual chat. This is cool. Thank you for this. Okay. Yeah, there's a saying the glory of God is a man fully alive. And I love these little quotes that remind me like a man fully alive. What does it look for? A man fully alive versus a man who is clocking in, clocking out, billing by the hour.

Josh (00:19:33) - Can't wait to escape that hell. Hold that there in some people love that, right? That's cool. But some people, they're handcuffed. They call it the golden handcuffs. Man, that sucks if you're stuck in something that you hate doing. So work should be fun for for guys out there that you could give some advice to. And maybe they're in that role because they have to be. I've been I had to work at a moving company because I had to buy diapers for my baby. Right. Like sometimes you got to do stuff that sucks.

Richard (00:20:03) - Yeah. Well, and the question is, does it suck or not? Because, for example, I would go down several times a year to the manufacturing line and the last company I was CEO of, and talk to the to the guys and gals on the line. Right. And it was just terrific. I won't take credit for this. It was the head of manufacturing, but he engaged them. And how can we always do the job better? So their job was not just to screw in video screens or put a pipe on a product.

Richard (00:20:33) - It was to always be challenged how you can do better. So they were engaged in their work. They like the work. So if you're working for a company that doesn't allow you to be engaged, even no matter what level of work it is, you know, speak up, try to make a change there, and then if not, find a place where no matter what skill level you're at, you're you're making a difference. You know, I've been in the heating, the heating and air conditioning business and those field techs, we train them such that they really are consultants to the customer, as opposed to just screwing in a new Hvac. And the job gets to be much more meaningful and we can pay them more.

Josh (00:21:08) - Yeah. That's powerful. In your 70 years of life, there's probably some golden lessons that you hold so valuable to you that you can, you know, like, let's just say we're having a conversation with your great grandkid 20 years from now, and they go back and they watch this.

Josh (00:21:28) - What's that one thing for, for a dude, your great, great grandkid or whatever that you're like, here's here's the golden piece of wisdom that that I think is important. I had to learn the hard way, but I hope you pass on to them.

Richard (00:21:42) - Well, there's a number of them, but none. But the number one would be to do what you say you're going to do. So honor your commitments. Somebody asked me once, well, what do you do when you first go into a new department or a new company? I said, well, I start and end meetings on time. I stick to the agenda. Well, that doesn't sound very big now, but we start to establish a culture that as a team, we're going to do what we say we're going to do, and work becomes a lot more fun. But it's also important with your family, your friends. You become somebody that that can be relied on to do what you say. Now our thing is you got to be up front, be candid and saying, I can't do that by Thursday, or I really don't want to do that or that doesn't work for me.

Richard (00:22:24) - But once you say you're going to do it, you're going to move mountains and rivers to get it done or to at least communicate back. You're going to be doing it for two days later. So that's number one to me. I mean, the other ones don't take yourself too seriously and there's a whole lot of others. But but doing what you say you're going to do, it's on my desk. Winners do what they say they're going to.

Josh (00:22:42) - Yeah. You're you're talking about the the four Agreements. Be impeccable with your word and do do your best. Right. There were a few others that I totally forget what they are. To be honest. I read the book and I thought it was a really good book. Um, but yeah, these are such great, um, lessons. And it's not complex. It's not like, how do I build a financial model using Excel? And I really want to teach you how to do that. You're like, be impeccable with your word. Show up.

Josh (00:23:08) - Well, yeah.

Richard (00:23:09) - Yeah. And that includes commitments to yourself. Like, you know, we make that's sometimes the hardest one because it's easiest one to bug off on. But when you set goals at the beginning of the year or you said daily or weekly goals, you know, trying to stick to those and do what you say you're going to do about yourself as well.

Josh (00:23:27) - Yeah, Richard. You're cool. Uh, what do you look most forward to in life?

Richard (00:23:35) - Well, you know, it's it's just a great pleasure to have two great sons that are doing not what I'm doing exactly, but working together with them and watching them grow. You know, I would have never thought I'd be so blessed to have two sons who are now doing well, both who had some rough spells. Right. But they work through them, and now they're terrific young men who do what they say they're going to do. One works with me daily. The other one is a successful entrepreneur. So just continuing to watch them grow.

Richard (00:24:05) - And the other thing, you know, you get a little more charitable as you get older. So I'm. Spending one more attention on what charities I'm involved with and want to see some things do better, uh, there for other people. Um, and then when people ask me about charity stuff, I say charity is very important. But what about the people around you? Are you making a difference in a small way, either through good advice or through how you conduct yourself. And it's one of the best things about being a little older is being a mentor to people. And I've got a, I don't know, 14 people out there who were work for me, who are now CEOs that I get phone calls from or help out from time to time. I love doing that. Yeah. So I love to I want to keep being a mentor to my sons and to my friends and continue to help others in, in find different ways to help other people. Yeah.

Josh (00:24:54) - And anytime you say, don't take offense to this, you're like, what are you about to ask me, dude? Like.

Richard (00:24:59) - Hey.

Josh (00:25:00) - Hey, no offense Richard, right? Like, anytime someone starts out with that, you're like, you got a really question, what are they going to what what what shit's going to come out of their mouth next? So I say this with utmost respect. You're older, right? When it comes to mentorship, right? We have people that we mentor. We have brothers that we walk with. But then in life, we need people to pour into us. As you get older, your mentors start passing on and you you realize that you're at the, the, the, the, the top of the mentor Mountain or whatever it is. How do you cope with that? When you look up and all your mentors start passing on and you know who pours into you as you get older?

Richard (00:25:43) - Well, it's a great point. And next month.

Richard (00:25:46) - I'm going to pay a visit to one of my big mentors who's getting up there. Um, he lives cross country, but a big part of the mission is just to go visit him, because thank him for all he's done for me.

Richard (00:25:57) - Um, but, you know, one of those days, you'll realize you're the oldest guy in the room. And that's the hard part. That probably hit me in the 50s somewhere. I'm the oldest guy here. Um, and but after that, it's just something you accept. You know, you accept that you're you are mortal. And. And by the time you're my age, I have a still a network of great friends and mentors, peers, etc. I can call on, but I'm probably given a little bit more advice than getting. I'm still getting. I'm still growing. I'm still learning. But you find that that mentorship shifts from you being doing more of it and getting less of it, and that's completely okay. And by the way, let's not let's be clear, as you know, you learn a heck of a lot from your kids and some people younger than you as well. So you're getting we're getting mentored all the time. But the older you are, the more you're giving as opposed to getting I think.

Richard (00:26:43) - Yeah. And you should you should work at it to help others. But don't be pissy if they don't take it like I always tell people, I'm going to give you advice, but I'm not mad if you don't take it. You look at a different window than I do. This is my experience. And but yet people get mad if you don't take their advice. That's not right.

Josh (00:26:58) - Yeah, I'm guilty of that. Because a lot of men will reach out to me and ask me for advice. And when I am insecure, when my cup is empty, or when I'm struggling and I'm insecure and I'm giving advice, I start getting this validation and approval. Like I'm like, ah, you're the smartest guy. And then they don't take your advice. And I'm like, why would you even ask me? But that's not the correct approach. I know as I'm getting older and some gray hairs in the beard, right. I'm learning that that's you got to let people do their own journey and have that security of going, this is how I would do it.

Josh (00:27:33) - You do what you want. If you need me, I'm here for you. Right?

Richard (00:27:37) - That's terrific. And there, remember, their set of circumstances are probably different than yours. So they if you were them, you might not have take your own advice, but you get to give it. They don't have to take it, you know.

Josh (00:27:49) - Hell, man, I don't take my advice all the time anyway. So I would say, you know, like for real. Something that that I would be super sensitive talking about, but I, I want to talk with you about it. My kids are young, ten, six, four, and they haven't gone through life struggles yet. Maybe a lot of it. Right. But like the problems that a ten year old have, very different than the problems of a son who has a substance abuse problem. I have a lot of conversations with men, and one of their greatest pains is when they see their sons struggle, right? Talk to us about that.

Josh (00:28:27) - What advice do you have for men whose sons are struggling? Like I have one in mind right now whose son is in the house? I have two. The sun is in the house, not working, struggling with abuse substances and just like struggling and the father like his hardest to help and he doesn't know what to do.

Richard (00:28:47) - Yeah. Listen, this is not simple. Because not everybody will get through it successfully. But I see so many parents who go through this, and their kids come around. And my personal experience and what I've observed is what I call love and logic, is that you're constantly showing love to them. You're not you're making it easy for them to talk to you, even though you're going to hear some terrible shit and you apply some logic which they won't always listen for, listen to. And over time, when they have these problems, at least they're telling you, dad, now I'm using heroin or dad now I'm doing this. At least you find out and you have the chance to have an impact.

Richard (00:29:30) - So many parents, I think, come down so hard on the kid that everything gets turned off. So you want to always have the dialogue. Because when both of my boys went through tough spots, I still had some influence over them because they trusted that I had their best interests, and I wasn't just going to yell at them all the time. We had arguments, but it's always came from what's best for them and with a big heart.

Josh (00:29:51) - Yeah, yeah, you want to keep the dialogue going once they feel like they can't talk with you.

Richard (00:29:58) - Yeah.

Josh (00:29:59) - Then and you lose that line of communication. And I see a lot of men that this has happened, right. They get so angry and they're like, fuck you and I'm done with this. And boom. And then. And then how long has it been since you talked to your son? Years. And I've heard that kind of stuff before. It's like once and I'm like, oh, how do you how do you bridge that gap? How do you prevent that gap from happen? And if it does happen, how do you bridge that?

Richard (00:30:23) - Well, certainly don't let your pride get in the way.

Richard (00:30:25) - If you haven't talked to your child for a couple of years, you don't. But you pick up the phone, don't say, ah, that they treated me bad. They got to call me. That's bullshit. And then you hopefully that doesn't get that bad. And men again get put into this role of you're supposed to be the enforcer, you know, so you got to be the tough guy in the marriage or in raising the kid. I would just say I used to have the philosophy big playground, high fences. Meaning it's okay for you to do things that other parents might not let their kids do. But here's some things that really aren't right, and here's why they're not right and why you shouldn't do them. Did they still break those fences? Yes, sometimes. But then I laid the groundwork that I'm not a real enforcer. But hey, this was just wrong. There's got to be consequences for it. So what my point there being is, you know, you just got to stay in touch with them and go through all their troubles with them, and hopefully you can turn them in the right direction.

Richard (00:31:21) - But certainly if you cut off the communication, you'll have no impact on them. How does that work?

Josh (00:31:26) - Yeah, the if.

Josh (00:31:28) - If you lose that you lose influence to to make a change. And I know, ah.

Josh (00:31:34) - It's just freaking so.

Josh (00:31:36) - Stressful when you see your kid making poor decisions or, you know, I've mentored a lot of men or have been a part of it, and I've had more men mentor me. Um, so I'm on I'm more like, you're on the more on the giving and I'm more on the receiving end and living, you know, like, I'm a young buck. I'm still learning. But I tell you, it's so frustrating when you see someone struggling and and in your mind, you go, if you just did this. You wouldn't have those problems. When that happens, you say you've got to really keep your ego in check because you're about to lose a relationship, potentially for a guy who's had that level of success. You know, like you've done well for yourself and public companies.

Josh (00:32:21) - So like it's very public. How do you keep your ego in check, man?

Richard (00:32:27) - Well, again, the rule is it's all about the other guy or gal. It's never about you. If you take care of others, good things happen to you. And one one great line a guy used to use with me when I would complain about something or he'd say, well, how's that working for you? So if you if your kids are screwing up something, how's that working, Sally? You know, how's that working, Joe? And you know, it puts them on awkward position because it's not working. My grades aren't good. Oh, is that a good, good thing? So just being the asking questions. But most people would say, if you're in a meeting and you do most of the listening, they think you're smart. And the reason is, is people like to talk, people like, and how are you going to find out what's really going on with your kids if they don't talk? So asking the question, how's that work? What's your plan? You know, is that plan makes sense.

Richard (00:33:12) - It forces them that logic. Eventually it'll click in. Yeah.

Josh (00:33:17) - There's a proverb that says even a fool appears wise if he keeps his mouth shut. Yeah, right.

Richard (00:33:23) - Yeah. The old thing. Why do we have two ears? One miles, all that stuff. But it's hard, you know? It's so hard, man.

Josh (00:33:29) - What's the hardest thing that you struggle with?

Richard (00:33:34) - Well, um, I think by nature I am like this highly self-disciplined person, which has worked well for me. And sometimes I need to lighten up. So I even have two signs on my desk. One says winners do what they say they're going to do, and the other one says, lighten up. Just to remind myself that it's okay if I have a Sunday, I won't do anything. I love ticking off my checklist and my to do list. So I would say the hardest thing for me is just to make sure I do look up and look at the mountains and look at the ocean and and take a breath once in a while, relax a little bit more.

Richard (00:34:08) - Because I love doing I love business, but it's pretty cool sometimes just to take in and be in the moment, you know?

Josh (00:34:16) - But yeah, I struggle with that when we go on a RV trip with my family and it's just like I wake up at this morning. I woke up at 330 in the morning. I started studying. I'm working right, like I love to work. It makes me feel alive and I enjoy it. So when we go camping and everyone's sleeping in and everybody just wants to sit back and I'm like, I get antsy. I want to work, I want to, I want to do shit, right, I want.

Richard (00:34:40) - To, yeah, let's.

Josh (00:34:41) - Conquer something. But as I'm getting older and learning from men like you is you do have to enjoy the turn off thing or otherwise you might burn out or you might drive your family freaking nuts, which I do. Right. So how can I, Richard? How could I learn to learn to appreciate the. Just chill out, Josh.

Josh (00:35:01) - How do I appreciate that?

Richard (00:35:03) - Well, I tell you, sometimes I put it I do it sort of a daily action plan. So I keep track of everything. And sometimes I have to put on put on there, chill out, like go see a movie in the afternoon or like my lady friend in the morning, sitting on the patio of a coffee enjoying the skyline, I go, I'm just going to go out and enjoy coffee with her, you know? But I have to force myself to do it because after a few minutes, I want to get up and get at my desk and do something. So I just have to realize that that's pretty cool. I'm like, I'm sitting there with the dog and my lady friend. I'm looking at the skyline. I'm having a coffee. Well, that's pretty cool too, right? So I don't know. I just say maybe plan it like you plan all your work stuff. Yeah.

Josh (00:35:40) - No, that's so good. In my mind, I could trick myself and I could say, I'm accomplishing rest.

Josh (00:35:47) - Right?

Richard (00:35:47) - Yeah, I know, I know, I know exactly what you mean. Yeah.

Josh (00:35:51) - So I'm sure you and I will have other conversations and and I would love to, you know, have conversations with your sons as well. Yeah. Um, especially, like, around the topics of, um, overcoming addictions, overcoming struggle, overcoming that. Um, so I really appreciate your transparency in your, the legacy that you're sharing with, uh, on this show and with other men. Um, as we geared towards the end of the show, um, what question probably should I have asked you that? You're like, Josh, you completely screwed up and you should have asked me about whatever. What is that?

Richard (00:36:31) - Um, you know, your show is, I think, predominantly male listeners and, uh. You know, getting along with women is always a challenge for men and for women, getting along with men is a challenge. And you know, that book came out Venus and Mars 25 years ago.

Richard (00:36:48) - Whatever. It's not a bad read, but I do think, um, when you think that the world's all about the other guy or gal when it comes to women, we just have to realize they're different than us and find out. You know that that secret. I'm not saying I have that secret, but I know that their needs are just different, and we have to make sure we understand that. So that's always an interesting subject for men to think about. Um, the only other probably bit of advice would be, you see, a lot of old guys get grumpy. So one of my goals every year is don't get grumpy. I know my body aches a little more. Maybe I won't sleep as good. I can't do some things I used to do, but if you keep the positive attitude, it goes pretty good.

Josh (00:37:30) - Have you seen the movie Secondhand Lions? No. Oh, that's your homework. If I gave you a challenge. Second hand lines. Um, Robert Duvall, uh, I think I'm thinking of the right movie.

Josh (00:37:43) - Second hand lines. Uh, there's, uh, you remind me of these guys, and, uh, your spirit is so good, I think, um. Oh, man, I'm totally bombing. I'm usually good at movies. You and I should watch that together. Because you mentioned going to see a movie. It's an older movie. It is so good. Um, so maybe go see that.

Richard (00:38:04) - Yeah. There was a great actor. Yeah. Oh.

Josh (00:38:06) - So good. If I got the right movie, um, I'll send you it afterwards. But, um. Man, I really appreciate your time together. Um, you stay there. Uh, we're gonna we're going to connect after we hit, uh, stop record. But I want to encourage the guys back to them is, uh. Guys, thanks for listening in. If you listen in this far, I'm really proud of you. I'm thankful for you. For the older guys who are listening in, man, I just encourage you, uh, as you get older, one don't get grumpy.

Josh (00:38:33) - But to think about all the the dudes out there who could use your input, your advice, you're still valuable. Your what you've learned over the years. It's not too late to to go and, uh, share some of your wisdom with other men, younger men. So if you need those kind of opportunities to reinvest back in younger men, send me a text or you might not text, send me a telegram or head on over to Uncensored Advice for men.com. Uh, I love you guys and we'll see you all on the next episode. Bye everyone.