Overcoming Anger with James Clemmons

Josh (00:00:02) - All right, fellas, welcome to Uncensored Advice for Men. I love you guys. And on today's interview with my guests, we're going to be talking about anger. We're going to be talking about machismo, as my friend called it. Did I say that right? Machismo. Yes, We're going to be talking. It's okay to be a dude. And I'm glad you guys are tuning in to to listen in on this conversation. So let's start with this, James. Tell us who you are.

James (00:00:34) - Well, um, I'm a I'm a marine veteran. Um, I live in Nashville, Tennessee. If you cannot tell by my accent, I do have a Southern accent. Um, for the past decade, I've. Done my best to try to help people. Mostly people who are incarcerated. People who are seeking out help with their anger and various other behavioral issues. Um, I'm just trying to do my best to make my little dent in the world before or a pass on. So I'm happy to be here and try to share some of the knowledge that I've gained throughout the years.

James (00:01:26) - Yeah.

Josh (00:01:27) - So you have a business called Freedom from Anger, and people could find it at freedom anger.com. But how did we go from Maureen and maybe you could share some of the story. How do you go from Marine to teaching other people how to have freedom from anger?

James (00:01:47) - Uh, I'll call them. Look. Um, went to college and decided. Oh, well, let me back up a little bit. Uh, my life was kind of spiraling out of control, and I needed to find something to ground me. So I said, Well, I'm going to finish my degree that I started using years ago to kind of give me some focus. So so I started to finish that and then I needed to intern at a place, and that place just happened to be. A place that helped people and went looking at. Starting a career there Anything? Just needed a place to intern and just been there ever since. Um, so it was kind of a. Kind of a dumb luck kind of kind of deal.

James (00:02:48) - And then once I got into it, I found the benefits of. They have a people. And it helped me and just continued to educate myself on various fields of behavioral health because, you know, we, we all need, um, and um, there's nothing wrong with asking for help, so advise anybody to reach out.

Josh (00:03:14) - All right. So you were a marine. What did you do as a marine? What was your. I can't say. Former Marine. Once a marine. Always a marine. Right. I made that mistake one time in a marine. Almost bit my finger off. So what was your role when you were. I don't know how to say what you do as a marine.

James (00:03:36) - Well, that was a guess. The fancy term would be aviation ordnance system technician. Layman's terms. I built bombs. I worked on gun systems for F-18s mainly. Last couple of years, I was in charge of training people to build bombs and work on the gun systems. Um, so, yeah, that was pretty much, pretty much my role.

James (00:04:08) - Um, just call it a fancy mechanic.

Josh (00:04:14) - Got it. And you said you wanted to. Your life was spiraling out of control, So I want to know what that looks like for you. And you wanted to finish up schooling, so at some point, you decided to go to school. What did you want to go to school for and what did it look like where James Life was spiraling out of control?

James (00:04:36) - Well, while I was in the military, um, my mother passed away. Um, and from that point on, it was kind of a poor, poor, pitiful me, um, didn't really know what to do. Um, you know, partying lot, drinking a lot. Got a military and just kind of kept on down that road. And then finally one day woke up and was like, you know, look at myself in the mirror and basically told myself, you know, if my mother was still alive, she would look at me and go, What the hell are you doing? Stop using me as an excuse to, you know, ruin your life.

James (00:05:20) - You know, and that time was, you know, mid 20s. So all my friends and stuff were getting married, having kids and all this other stuff. And I was still just doing the same stuff I was doing when I was. 1819. So I decided to shift my focus to, you know, finishing my degree, which was criminal justice, because I thought I was going to be in the FBI and catching those guys and stuff and, uh, come to find out that enjoyed trying to help those quote unquote bad guys and trying to keep them from coming back to jail. And, um, you know. Teaching everything from, you know, anger management, batters, intervention, um, alcohol and drug treatment. I mean, you, you name it, there's probably not a program that haven't tried to get out there. Um, but yeah, it's, it's definitely, it's definitely helped me as a person and it, you know, it feels good to get out there and try to help people.

James (00:06:38) - And sometimes they come back and unfortunately sometimes they, you know, they don't make it. But, um, you know, you do what you can do.

Josh (00:06:47) - Um, so. When? When I think of the life choices that I made, right. I was a firefighter medic, and then I wanted to start working with the squad. And. And there was something. I was an angry little elf, Right. I didn't even know that I was. That I had all this anger built up inside me because I had very good. I had good places to express that anger through. That was that was acceptable, right? Like I was a fighter. I wrestled. I did, you know, jiu jitsu as a firefighter, you get a kick down doors and you get a hit stuff and there's loud machinery and stuff like that. So I wanted to get on the Swat team, right? Because we were they would send medics in and and for me, that was like, I get to go to the bad guy, right? I get to go.

Josh (00:07:35) - I get to go on the offense. If I look back and if I'm honest with myself about my anger, my anger was driving me to be destructive. Right? And then when I started to learn how to deal with my anger, I no longer wanted to be destructive. I wanted to help parlaying that to you. Go into criminal justice and from marine to criminal justice, creating bombs and this and that, to not creating programs to help people with addictions, with anger and such like that. Do you feel that anger was driving life choices and career choices and when you started to get help? You started to be more of creator rather than destructor.

James (00:08:23) - Yeah, that's a common misconception when it comes to anger. You know, anger can be a driving force for good. It can be a driving force for bad. And I see it as it. My driving force for bad was, you know, on rails and going full speed. And then when I decided to try to get a hold of it, it turned to actually using that anger, using that drive, using that energy, because it takes so much energy to be angry all the time.

James (00:09:01) - I mean, it's just it's it's exhausting and exhausting to us is exhausting to people around us. But when you take that energy back and then you try to put it into things that are positive, you know, you get so much more back from it. Um, you know, just looking back on, just, you know, just how angry I was pretty much my entire 20s, you know, it's just like, man, I wish I had that time back. I wish I had all that energy back. Yeah, because, yeah, you can't go back in time. Can't change anything, but. It's really important for people to know that, hey, you know, it's. It's never too late. Um, that. Okay. What your age is, you can turn things around and, you know, anger is just is just not the way. It's just that's that's the easy way. That's a lazy way of dealing with, you know, quote unquote, life. Um, yeah, it takes nothing to be angry, but it takes a lot of fortitude and strength to, you know, face those odds and overcome them and move forward.

Josh (00:10:26) - For sure. So here you are. You're studying criminal justice, and at some point you have to go get some internships. And then James started to focus on instead of incarcerating bad guys and putting bad guys away through, you know, the route of become an FBI. It's like maybe I'm actually want to help these people, right? But that's a shift. That's a big shift from I want to go after them to I want to support them. Wow. Where did that shift happen? Like what was going on in your world?

James (00:10:59) - Well, it was I think the the eye opening thing for me was I was I was interning. So, you know, pretty much I was kind of just sitting in class listening. Yeah. And I'm listening to what's being taught. I'm listening to what the inmates are saying, and I'm going. I should be in here. Yeah. Should have been in here a long time ago. Like. Like the things that these guys have done. The things that I've done and the way I'm acting.

James (00:11:30) - The way I'm thinking. Is zero difference. And I'm sitting there going, well. Well, like, how am lucky? Like, why am I? Like, why am I not sitting in here in this class? Because. Should be because of, you know, the things I've done in the past. I've just been lucky and. And I just kind of decided that, hey, you know, if I can use my life experience of being lucky. And getting away with murder, quote unquote. But, you know, maybe I can maybe I can help somebody and maybe I can help them steer steer in the right path. Because, you know, there's probably. No one on planet that hasn't done something that doesn't deserve to go to jail. Oh, sure.

Josh (00:12:29) - For sure. Right. And sometimes it's unintentional and sometimes we don't even know. Right? Sometimes it's out of pure ignorance because there's tax laws and rules and things like you could be driving on the wrong side of the road and not even knowing or going down a one way or right.

Josh (00:12:44) - So like, you know, I was meeting, I was doing prison ministry and I'm sitting there talking with these guys here in their story and I'm like, the only difference between you guys and a lot of people on the outside is you got caught. Right. And, you know, these humans, these guys who in 30s of poor, you know, poor decision or whatever, now they're in prison for could be decades. Right. So in a lot of it for guys I believe I run a show for men and I'm a professional dude here been been a guy for 41 years is I believe that anger is that one thing. Right? There's anger, jealousy. You can kind of wrap them all kind of in a in a similar bucket. But anger is that one thing that can destroy lives. Because if it takes control just for a second, it could destroy relationships. You could destroy people, you could destroy yourself. All right. So in your life, when did you have an instance where you saw yourself out of control with anger or in someone else where you go anger is going to be the thing that I attack that I'm going after, helping guys understand anger.

James (00:14:03) - I think a lot of it had like. As far as like being physical. I mean, I'm a pretty decent sized guy. Like usually, you know, back people down with my words and anger. Um, but think we're the majority of the consequences to my anger was in my relationships. Um. I mean, I would just, you know, destroy relationship after relationship, that relationship. And it was always their fault, not mine. And, um, looking back, you know, I definitely feel bad for, you know, the things I put. And those people through. But it's just, you know, we like to blame them just being young and and stupid. But no, like, I was a grown ass man, but I was just being an ass, you know, and just angry and didn't really, really, you know, know where I was going. So I just kind of projected that on to people that I was, was with at the time. Um. But yeah, but it was it wasn't until I really shifted my focus and I was like, Hey, um.

James (00:15:21) - Leave the women alone. You know, just you know, it's obviously that's not working for you. So put your put all your focus into school and let's just see where this goes. Um, and, and lo and behold, you know, um, I was lucky enough to find my wife when I wasn't looking for, you know, is just kind of one of those things. Um. And I'm definitely happily married and been happily married for several years. And. You know, that's why I try to tell tell a lot of the guys that I work with, you know. You know, stop looking for it. You know, it's going to find you if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, you're taking care of business. It's going to you know, they're going to find you. You don't have to go looking for them. Yeah. And if they're looking for you, then something's. Something's wrong.

Josh (00:16:18) - Yeah. And if you're out looking, you're probably not looking at the right places.

Josh (00:16:22) - Right? But when you're doing that, what you're supposed to be doing. So with that, how do you know if what you're doing is what you're supposed to be doing versus not supposed to be doing?

James (00:16:36) - I think for me, it was, um. I'd worked so many different jobs throughout the years, and it was simply, you know, like manual labor type jobs, you know. It paid well. But there were some jobs. I just hated waking up in the morning. Um. Uh, one job. I'll gladly let you know about. I'll work for the railroad. And, um, everybody was like, Man, you should get a job with the railroad. Great pay, great benefits, great pension. But I hated waking up every morning because I never knew when I was coming home. Because if that change. If that train's late, guess what? You got to wait on it. And it's, uh. You don't go home till it's. It's unloaded and everything, and, man, I just.

James (00:17:28) - I just despised it. But when I got into helping people, like, I look forward to going to work, I look forward to talking with, you know, this individual or that individual, or I would think of something that might help somebody. And, you know, and I'm thankful that I still have that. Um, you know, have that mentality to this day, you know. I've been at times where, uh, my associate. Yeah, I work with and he also does classes with me through our company. Um, you know, we've, we've, it's been Thanksgiving and we've been on the phone talking about some one of our clients, you know, you know, trying to, trying to figure out how can we break through and how do we, how can we get to somebody. So but yeah it's just that, you know, when you have that feeling that, you know, it's not work, it's it's, you know, you just like you said, it has that feeling that you're doing what you're meant to do.

James (00:18:37) - And unfortunately, a lot of people don't, you know, a lot of people don't experience that. And and I think that has a lot to do with a lot of the angers that people. You know, they don't find that. Reason they don't find that need and they just constantly looking and they're stuck in a job that they don't like. And yeah, that is frustrating, but we have to figure out ways to manage that anger. It ain't going anywhere and try to facilitate in other ways.

Josh (00:19:14) - Yeah. So I'm looking on your website and I see road rage education as one of those courses and services that you guys provide. What the heck is road rage education? Obviously, you're not going to teach me how to how to be better at road rage, right? So, you know, like I see this as one of your programs, but I see stuff about relationships, drugs and alcohol. You guys work a lot with military and first responders, stress management, right? So we see stress pop out a lot on the road.

Josh (00:19:45) - I lived in New York. I've lived in Orlando. In Dallas. Right. I've seen my share of of road rage kind of take us behind the wheel of like, what does that look like for your program and why did how did that program come about?

James (00:20:01) - Well, it kind of came about by accident. Um.

Josh (00:20:08) - You said that before. Like, everything kind of. Hey, it kind of like I stumbled in upon it, you know, Accidents happen, you know? Here you are.

James (00:20:14) - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, um, but now we just saw that, um, especially here in Tennessee. Like, we were like, one of the top states in the country for road rage and people being shot on the roads and all this. And, um, we decided to put together a program to kind of, you know, address that because, you know, a lot of our days spent on the roads, um, if you're familiar with Nashville, you know, if you work in Nashville, you probably can't afford to live there.

James (00:20:56) - So you have to drive like, like me, you have to drive to and from, um, so you spend a lot of time on the roads. So our programs. Pretty much based around. The idea of. I don't want to say forgiveness, but it's a lot of, you know, allowing people to be human. Like people are going to make mistakes. People are going to do things that you don't agree with. And when it comes to road rage, the majority of it comes from fear. Like, okay, you're if you're putting my life at risk, then that's fear. And then the only way I know how to respond is through anger. But. You never know when that anger is going to spill over into somebody running off the road. Somebody's shooting at you. Um, so we really have to, uh, express. The need to allow people to just kind of let things go. Allow people to be human that you're going to run into, you know, crappy drivers out there.

James (00:22:11) - Um, if if you're constantly in a rush, then, hey, do your best to try to try to leave earlier, you know? You know what are you in control of? You can't control other drivers, but you can't control what time you leave. You can't control, um, those sort of things. So. But yeah, it just really just developed from constant news stories where somebody shot driving down the road. And unfortunately, Tennessee, where we're up there on the list of dangerous cities to drive or states to drive.

Josh (00:22:51) - Okay. So allowing people to make mistakes, allowing people to be human, that takes, you know, intent. Right. So walk us through maybe a few maybe key points or pieces of advice on how can we do that? Right. So here we are, dude. We're driving around people making us angry. People at work, you know, just I'm pissed, right? And I come to you and you're like, Well, Josh, you know, we got to learn about forgiveness and allowing people to make mistakes and allowing people to be human.

Josh (00:23:23) - I'm like, All right, you know, if I'm humbled or if I'm in enough pain, I'll go, okay, show me what that looks like.

James (00:23:32) - Well, it's. You know, a lot of times it's just, you know, practicing the the whole. No empathy. It's just like putting yourself in their shoes. Like, have you ever been in a hurry? Have you ever driven recklessly? Have you ever been running late for work? Well, then odds are that person is, you know, doing the same thing. Maybe they're running late for work. Maybe they're doing this. We don't know. But we have to be able to. Allow them to to do what they're doing, you know, unless they're being, like extremely reckless and careless or whatever, then, hey, call the cops. Go get them. But, um, but to expect to, you know, say, got to drive an hour to, to work every day to expect that everybody's going to drive the way I want them to drive and at the speed that I want them to speed.

James (00:24:35) - And everybody in the left lane is going to be going faster than people in the right lane. You know, that's just unrealistic expectations. So, unfortunately, you know, in life, we have to lower our expectations a little bit of people and have to kind of, you know, allow them to be human. Um, because, you know, we've all been there, you know, it's this, but when it's, when we're on the other end, it's, you know, poor, poor, pitiful me and I'm the only person in the universe. And so we have to kind of, uh, allow ourselves to kind of look back for sure.

Josh (00:25:18) - Now, on your website, you have a free anger management assessment and consultation. All right? So I come to you and I'm like, my wife and I got in a fight the other day, and she says that I'm angry. I don't think I'm angry. I think it was a, you know, a one and done kind of thing.

Josh (00:25:34) - And you say, okay, Josh, why don't we take this assessment? What are some of the things that are going to come up from this free anger management assessment and consultation? Like walk me through some things to know, am I an angry elf or not? Do I have a problem? Am I going to wind up blowing up my relationships or screwing things up? Or was it a situational thing? What does that look like?

James (00:25:58) - Well, yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Our assessment is it's a four part assessment. You contact me, so. Hey, want to take your assessment? I'll send you the link. You answer all these questions, and it's it. It addresses anger, anger styles, perceive stress. Um, all that good stuff. Um, and then I'll schedule a zoom meeting with you. I'll go over the results on the, you know, what I see on my end and we just kind of discuss on, you know, how you want to move forward, you know, some areas that you might need to look out for and, um.

James (00:26:42) - Yeah, that's pretty much it. It's pretty. It's pretty straightforward. Um. Um, you know, um, the assessment I'm drawing from. Uh, assessments. It's been around for many years. I just kind of combine them all into one. Uh, it is quite a few questions and stuff, but it's pretty simple. You just go to click, click, click, click, click, and then, then you're. Yeah, I do all the scoring and stuff on my end. Um, but yeah, it's, it's just kind of a. A starting point. This guy give me kind of an overall kind of look at, you know, what we're dealing with. But it's you know, it's definitely a lot deeper than than just that gives me kind of an idea of, hey, what direction do we need to go in?

Josh (00:27:40) - What are some things that as I'm checking boxes and I'm like, Oh, this, you know, this is good, this is whatever. What are some things that, as you see it on the other side that you're like, Oh, red flag, this guy's a ticking time bomb, right? And we need to probably do some talking.

Josh (00:27:55) - Like, what are what are some things that since I'm talking about myself, I probably have some blind spots. But as I'm filling out this form and you're reviewing it and you do your initial consultation, you and your brain go, This guy's one step away from a heart attack or, you know, doing something that's going to wind them up, you know, in jail because he's going to hurt someone. What are some of those red flags?

James (00:28:18) - Oh, Lord. There's a lot of red flags. But yeah, um, I think probably one of the biggest ones if I were to label one, is. Usually it has to do with like. Increased arguing with spouse. Or increased arguing with family. Um, because you know we're. You know. The old saying, you know, it's so true. You know, the you know, the people that love us the most, you know, the hardest, the most. And think when there's there's arguing, there's back and forth whether it be a spouse with the family that tends to culminate in you know it's you can put up with it for so long and then it's going to explode and then.

James (00:29:19) - A Fortunately, you know, a lot of people that I've worked with through the years, you know, it's that's how they end up in jail. You know, it's a it's a it's a loved one. It's a spouse. It's a girlfriend. It's a boyfriend. It's a mom. It's a dad. Because we you know, we feel that, you know, those are our that's our safe space. And then if we feel like we're being used or mistreated in that safe space, then that's when we we explode. So so that's usually kind of a red flag for me when I'm looking down through there, when it says, you know, have you had increased disagreements with family, friends, spouse, then that's like, okay, well, that's probably not a good, good, good road to be going down because, you know, if we can argue with somebody at the grocery store, you know, we kind of let that slide. But if we get an argument with somebody that we've known our entire life, you know, we hold on to that and we stew on it and then it just builds and builds and builds.

Josh (00:30:28) - Yeah, I get it, ma'am. For me, it was. I didn't. I've never really argued a lot with wife. We've had our good share of brawls, you know, in arguments and such. But the. It was with the kids, right? Like, I found myself being short with my kids. Like, they would come home and, you know, as soon as you walk home from work, you're the kids are going to run at you. Dad, dad, dad, could I have ice cream and apple juice? And and mom said this and I got in a fight, Right? So, like, I found myself as soon as I walked in the door, I was overwhelmed. And that's when I'd get angry. And I didn't want to like. I didn't want to. And I love these kids, but they're excited, man. They're young kids. And and I said I could feel myself working up and then, you know, I could. Hi, kids.

Josh (00:31:13) - I love you. Let Dad get home. But like, 20 minutes later, I still felt that same. And they're like, Dad, play with us. And I'm, you know, and I didn't want to I wanted to go crack a beer and just sit and chill. And that's when I reached out for for help for me, because I was like, aw, my dog, Right? Like, it's easy to get angry at the dog. The dog, you know, like gets the brunt of a lot of men's anger. But, you know, I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to be angry with the kids. So I reached out for help. So you see on the front end, as you're taking these tests and such, you see the guys checking off? Yeah, I got in a fight with the wife or the kids. I'm angry, I feel whatever. And then you go, Hey, cool, man. It's. It's time to. Let's walk through it.

Josh (00:31:56) - What does it look like to start walking through tactically, right? Like I'm a tactical guy. Show me what to do. Get involved. Let's do this. Let's work through this. Because I don't want it to affect my kids, my wife, my dog, you know, my friendships, my relationships, my business. Tactically, what's that look like to walk through anger with you?

James (00:32:18) - What like you said, you know. I want them to walk me through their day and like, okay, so you're at work. Okay, so what are your levels of stress? Which levels anger at work. Okay, so you get off work, you're driving home. Okay, so what your levels there So like when you get home, like you said, you're being bombarded at the door. You know what? You know what your levels are there. And then we try to. Piece together. Okay. What's the best you know, what's the best way to to to go about your day to try to alleviate these things like know for me, my wife knows when I get home from work, she calls.

James (00:33:03) - I need my time, as she calls it. So get off work. Just give me 30 minutes to decompress. Because, you know, when you're, you know, dealing with people all day and you know all their issues and stuff, you do tend to take on some of that stuff. So I'm like, just just give me give me 30 minutes. I have to get home then. Okay, we'll talk because I've definitely gotten home straight from work and just knows something's wrong and then say stuff that don't mean but can't take it back. And it's like, oh my God, you know, wish you could reach to there and grab those words and like, Oh man, nope. Made that mistake a couple of times and definitely learn from it. But yeah, yeah, just have to kind of walk through and then we try to figure out, okay, well, you know, if we modify this a little bit then do you think this will, you know, bring a little, bring a little relief? Um, but ultimately, you know, it always comes back to, you know, what your mindset, you know, what are you thinking? I'm definitely big into, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy.

James (00:34:18) - Um, definitely rational, rational, emotive behavioral therapy, um, which is how they debated.

Josh (00:34:29) - But what is.

James (00:34:32) - A rational, emotive behavioral therapy actually came out before, uh, CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Uh, people like to argue about that, but just look at the dates. Uh, it's from a Dr. Albert Ellis. So whenever you see like the, the ABCs, like you have activated event, um, um, you get the belief and then you get the consequence, which is like the basis of like every anger management course out there. It all comes from Ellis back in the 50s. So what he did was basically he looked back at the stoic philosophers from, you know, 2000 plus years ago, and he kind of realized that, hey, you know, we the human human condition, the human mentality really hasn't changed much. Um, and it's all about how you perceive things, how you think about things that creates your reality. So definitely really try to harness in on that because, you know, he, you can, you know, you can be.

James (00:35:45) - Happy in prison, you can be miserable in prison. It's all about your perception. It's all about your mentality. And a lot of us, we put ourselves in our own personal prison through our thoughts. So to try to restructure, reframe those thoughts is is vastly important because we lose sight of gratitude, We lose sight of what's going right. We just focus on the negative, negative, negative. You know, and we wake up the morning, we turn on the news. What? Negative, negative, Negative. We're being bombarded with negativity. That's why, me personally, I never watch the news. I don't need to wake up in the morning and see that, you know, three teens have been shot and killed over nothing. That's not gonna get my day started off. Well, um, but being able to really focus on our thoughts, our thought patterns, and to try to, you know, like I said, gratitude goes so, so far, you know, the fact that you're able to wake up in the morning and be happy about that and that you're able to walk, be happy about that.

James (00:37:08) - The fact that you have a family, be happy about that. Not everything's going to go your way. Um, but yeah, I'm a big, big believer in the doctor Albert Ellis. He wrote tons of books. He's no longer with us, but, um, man, he has. He was a he was an interesting character. He's definitely, probably more base for men than than women. He was very kind of crass and kind of straightforward, but very smart guy. So advise anybody to, you know, to to look up his books on anger, um, relationships. He did a lot of books with his wife about relationships. Um, yeah, definitely, definitely, definitely a big fan.

Josh (00:37:57) - So you're passionate about helping people with anger, with relationships and be a good listening ear for them. And you have, you know, you have the services to to support these kind of relationships. What's a good place for people to connect with you and say, Hey, I might want to take this assessment to see if I need help or if it's something that you could help me with, where it's a good place for people to go to find that.

James (00:38:23) - I'll just. Just go to our website. Freedom anger.com. My email is on there. That's the easiest way to get a hold of me. Um, some people call, which is fine, but I'm hardly ever in my office. Uh, but yeah, just, uh, just shoot me an email and then I'll respond. I'll give you the link. To go do the assessment, then we'll schedule a time from there. And, you know, it's it's one, two, three. It's it's that simple. Sounds good.

Josh (00:38:58) - Ma'am. So one final thought from you to these guys. What's one question that I should have asked or that men should be asking in regards to anger that maybe I didn't ask on the show? But you're like, hey, this is a vital point that we need to talk about when it comes to anger. What is that?

James (00:39:17) - I think probably one of the most. I don't know. I guess jaw dropping things that I've talked about with people and it kind of.

James (00:39:31) - It makes them take a step back. Is to realize that no one can make you angry. Like my wife may be angry, my kids may be angry. My dog made me angry. No, no. Your wife, your kids, your dog were just being themselves. How you perceive how they were acting. And then you chose to be angry. Like I said, it all comes down to choice. And that's a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow because it's a whole lot easier to pass blame off on somebody else. Well, so-and-so may be angry now. So-and-so was just being so-and-so. How you perceive, how you choose to react rather than respond. You know, reacting is quick, it's dirty, it's usually not good. Responding is okay, I'm going to give it some thought and then I'm going to come back. But just the idea that no one can make you angry, it's just it kind of blows people's minds and it it shifts the it shifts the blame from somebody else to ourselves.

James (00:40:41) - Like. Yeah. Okay. Well, um, yeah, it all, it all comes back to us, you know, somebody caused you, you know. Dumb ass or whatever. Okay. Those are just words. So what value are you put on those words? And is that the is that the green light that can punch them in the face? So those are already agreements that I've made with myself. And everybody has those little it has those little agreements with themselves. But it's a lot easier to pass blame on. Well, so-and-so did this, so then I did this. So I'm righteous. No, no, it's. It all comes down to choice. And. And a lot of people do not like to hear that. Like who get angry when they hear that.

Josh (00:41:36) - Yeah. Which is another indicator that they might need some help. So with that, fellows, thank you for listening in to today's podcast episode. As always, reach out to our guests and say thank you for being on the show and if you need help, all of their contact information will be in the show notes.

Josh (00:41:54) - Reach out to our guests and say, Hey, I heard you on the show I could use some help with with anger or with road rage or with these kind of relationships or addictions and, you know, reach out to our guests and and get help. That's the purpose and mission of the show is to ask advice from dudes from other people who have been there, done that. So with that, guys love you. If you have something that you'd like to share with other men, you have a program, you have a product, you have a ministry or a mission, and you want to talk about it here on the show. Head on over to Uncensored advice for men. Fill out a quick form and maybe get you on the show next. Till then, we will talk to you all on the next episode. Thanks, James. Bye, everybody.

James (00:42:35) - Thank you.