Facing the Blitz with Jeff Kemp

Josh (00:00:02) - Good day, fellas. Welcome to Uncensored Advice for men. Uh, I'm Josh, and I want to introduce you to a guy that recently helped me. I'm going to share that story, and then we're going to dive into today's interview. He didn't know I was going to do this. Uh, we had an interview scheduled. I'm doing a ton of interviews, and we had an interview scheduled, and I texted him literally a minute before going on to, uh, when we were supposed to step into the studio and do a recording. And I said, hey, man, I'm really struggling right now. I'm on a tough call. It was a business call. And, uh, in his response almost immediately, take your time. I'm praying for you. It's going to work out. Let's chat afterwards. And I could just tell right then and there I had a dude who want I want to like, grow a relationship with because of his response. Not like, oh, man, this sucks.

Josh (00:00:49) - You know, like, you know, I, I've had all sorts of those kind of responses. But his response was immediate towards, hey, it's going to be okay. It's going to work out. God's got you. I'm praying for you. Then let's chat afterwards so I could be there for you. So guys, let me introduce you to one of my newest friends, Mr. Jeff. Jeff, welcome to the show.

Jeff (00:01:08) - Amen. Could it be with you, Josh? You said I'm Mr. Jeff. Just Mr. Jeff like Mr. Ed or.

Josh (00:01:15) - Well. This is Jeff Kemp, ladies and gentlemen. Jeff Kemp comes from a background of the NFL. I just was laughing.

Jeff (00:01:25) - I think the pastor who married us many years ago, Stacey and me, said, uh. And now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey. And he forgot to say my last name. And Stacy and I always crack up about. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey. Um, but anyway, I thought I'd catch you in a little bit of a single name.

Josh (00:01:45) - Yeah, because, you know, you know, I sometimes like, after after talking with someone like, I, I sometimes I blank out and I don't know the person's last name, but I, like, I typically remember the first name I was like, and here's Jeff and what's his last name? I don't know, but there's Jeff. You know, I should know better about my guests and especially my newest friends, right? But, uh, Jeff Kemp is, uh, is a cool dude. Jeff Kemp, you, uh, people might have, you know, seen you in a past playing one certain thing. And then and then you've had some major life pivots into different, uh, different fields and different missions and different purposes. Why don't you kind of kind of give us an overview, like the back of a football card of what? What, uh, what we can expect with meeting Jeff.

Jeff (00:02:33) - Okay. Um, I'll try to go fast. Two minute drill, going way back.

Jeff (00:02:37) - I grew up with a dad that was a quarterback of the Buffalo Bills. Um, and my, when I was 11, he ran for Congress and became the congressman from Buffalo. So we moved to DC. Uh, I grew up thinking, oh, shoot, my dad played quarterback in the NFL. That's what I'll do. I didn't know it was a hard job to get. Um, I headed off to Dartmouth College with a ton of encouragement from a very visionary, affectionate, positive, encouraging dad. Um, but I was still pretty insecure and ended up, um, sneaking into the NFL after four years at Dartmouth as a free agent and played for the Rams and Niners and Seahawks and Eagles. Um, for 11 years. I had to reinvent my career at age 32, which is pretty early because I lost the football one. Um, I started a nonprofit and ran stronger families for 18 years in Seattle. I started doing some collaboration, uh, fatherhood and marriage movement work across the country and, uh, ended up working for family life in little Rock, Arkansas.

Jeff (00:03:41) - Uh, for five years. And for six years I've been out on my own doing men's, uh, speaking and retreats and kind of identity and friendship work. Um, we have four sons. They're married. I got, uh, nine grandkids now, my amazing wife, who's totally opposite for me, um, which I need, but it's very frustrating for her and for me, um, because she's such a strong leader and so am I. My wife is Stacy, and she's been an awesome teammate, uh, all through this journey. So the pivots have included, uh, getting traded, getting cut, doing well, um, fame, being benched, having your career end at 32, running a non-profit, seeing it grow until it didn't in 2008 when the economy kind of smashed us, uh, firing myself in 2010. Uh, so the budget could be smaller and keep the organization alive and giving it to a young guy that we'd been mentoring to run it. And then, uh, you know, working for a bigger organization for five years and then getting out of that to go freelance, which is what I am now.

Jeff (00:04:51) - So it's good to be with you, dude.

Josh (00:04:52) - Yeah. Good to have you, man. Yeah. What a what a cool story. And there's going to be some, uh, things to unpack that I want to ask you about and share about your story. Um, as you, as you talk about, like, this free agent, right. Like you came in, you snuck into the NFL boom as a free agent. And now here you are, you know, years later in your life as a as a free agent. Again, um, when we talk about men's identity, you spend a lot of time talking about men's identity. You didn't add that you've written a few books that that you're going to, uh, talk about, you know, and share with the dudes, uh, here in the listening audience. But, man, you you've had some major life switches, right? You saw your dad, quarterback did pretty good, Congressman did pretty good. And, you know, you you took that path of your father, right? As you're going down this path and you and you get the first time where you got cut or you got benched or you said that, you know, my NFL career was taken from me.

Josh (00:05:52) - Take us to that point of like, what's going on in your brain, your heart, your marriage, what's going on in your world because, you know, going from on TV, throwing, you know, balls and let you know. And having a team, a team, which is really cool to now not what did that how did that affect you?

Jeff (00:06:09) - Yeah. Well, gosh. Um. I was very persevering in my football career, and partly because of my dad's encouragement. And when I finally made it, I kept thinking, I'm not just going to make it, I'm going to be a starter someday. I'm going to take a team to a Super Bowl. I don't care how long it takes, and I'm going to use all this platform in a good way. Um, you know, make a difference on the team relationally and in the community and the off season. And God's going to bless all this stuff. Um, and. I didn't realize how much he would use football to kind of reshape me.

Jeff (00:06:52) - Not just give me a big platform. And every time I got traded, it kind of reminded me, man, my identity can't be wrapped up in this football thing. Yeah. Every time I went from starting to being a backup again and yeah, it was hard to beat out Joe Montana and Steve Young when I was on the 49 ers. But, um, I given the message to people that, hey, my identity is not in football. I'm not a quarterback. I'm a I'm a son of God, a Christian who happens to play football. Um, it's a relational identity, not a performance. And image one well, when I got cut by the Eagles in 92 my last year, um, this was really tested. Yeah. And I'd said the right thing for years and mentor guys on this, but I came home and for four weeks I waited to have a team call me and signed me as a backup quarterback that had played well the year before and no one called. And when the Seahawks had a quarterback get hurt fourth week of the season, I was like, okay, we live in Seattle.

Jeff (00:07:53) - The kids are starting to be school age. Stacy really does want to move around the country to play football. You know, for random teams each year. This is perfect. I can finish in Seattle. So I called, uh, the the GM of the team, a guy that had actually played quarterback with my dad on the bills. And I said, hey, coach, I'm in town. I'm in shape. I'm ready figuring, you know, he's going to sign me. This is the answer to my prayer. And, uh, he left a message for me. It said, hey, heard about what happened with the Eagles. Sorry about that. We're going to sign a guy from the World League named him, and I have never heard of him. Uh. Good luck. Click. And, man, all of this maturity in my identity and God and my, you know, strong faith that I'd expressed, uh, through the years through football was questioned significantly. I went up to the front door of my nice four bedroom acre, you know, sport court in the back yard home, slammed the door, sat down on the porch and said, God, this sucks.

Jeff (00:08:47) - I can't believe this is happening after all I've been through, I don't want to finish like this. I'm so mad I'm not even going to pray. I'm just going to sit here and feel this stinking pain. So I went into my little pity party, losing my, you know, uh, football career. I wasn't getting a 12th year of football. Um, here I am with electricity, hot water. Uh, I got a nice yard and home in America with freedom. I've played 11 years of football as a free agent, and I'm whining that I want more. And my wife comes out because I don't think we're supposed to go through blitzes and hard things alone. And we have that kind of marriage. And she comes out and says, oh man, Jeff, I can't imagine how much this hurts, but I just need to remind you that we've been through a lot and everything hard is always had God in it, and he has always kind of shown himself real. And he taught us something, or he did something good when something else was tough.

Jeff (00:09:42) - And I looked at her and I said, I know that I just can't. I just can't believe that it's finishing like this. I just I just want to finish with some dignity. Stacy. Well, at that point, her soft, tender, encouraging love had to, um, yield to the the tougher, truth telling love. And she stepped it up because she's a pretty much of a courageous girl. And she goes, well, as I recall, when Jesus left this world, he didn't receive any dignity. Maybe you need to let go of that desire. Me and this dude that would pretty soon become a marriage strengthening, uh, you know, nonprofit leader and a guy that speaks at marriage conferences, which I do to this day with my wife, Jo. Husband advice. I look at her, I said, maybe you need to go inside. And, uh, I was not living out of maturity or humility. Um, well. Good husband. She went inside and I call this thing a blitz, because a blitz is a crisis where things are really dangerous and they can go bad.

Jeff (00:10:46) - But they can also go well, as we can see, you know, we can see on any Sunday when Pat Mahomes turns, you know, a blitz into a TD pass because he's got man coverage. Um, and gosh Josh in like 30s losing my career. Which isn't the worst blitz ever. But, I mean, my dad died of cancer early after this, that when I had to fire myself from the nonprofit, that was a bigger blitz, I think. But this one was huge. Age 32. You know, losing my career and a lot more of my identity that had been wrapped up in it than I would admit. Right? Um, all of a sudden I started thinking about Jesus. The greatest, most courageous, humble, studly, compassionate, strong leader in history, uh, goes from being the hero on one Sunday to them saying, hey, release that Barabbas, dude, we want to crucify Jesus, kill him and all of his dudes leave him and they falsely trump up some charges, falsely convict him.

Jeff (00:11:51) - They beat him at the face, put a mocking crown of thorns on his head, whip his back to the point that he's nearly dead. And then, of course, he dies on the cross and is buried and looks like the worst failure ever. It's like the worst blitz ever. And this is God getting blitzed. But of course, the end of that story is that he turned it all around. Um, went through that pain, bore the punishment for the whole world's rebellion, raises from the dead. Uh, and he did it because he loves me. And I didn't deserve it. And he did it on purpose. Um, he volunteered for this whole duty, and now I'm, like, thinking, what a little ungrateful, small minded little boy I am whining for one more year of football and complaining about a little lack of dignity. When God loves me this much, and all of a sudden I was like saying, thank you, thank you, thank you God and feeling his love and giving it back to him.

Jeff (00:12:48) - And it was like my blitz of frustration and self-pity and anger, um, and kind of identity questioning, uh, turned into the most beautiful spiritual moment ever. And I heard these words in my head. Forget what lies behind. Press on to what lies ahead. It was like boom, I was set free. Hey, God gave me this football career. Cool. It was fun. I learned a ton. Make great friends. Uh. Grew a ton. Um, but let's put it behind me. And I don't need to open a restaurant and put my name on it and have it go broke. Backup quarterbacks, restaurant, you know, fails. Um, I'm going to go on to this mission to strengthen fatherhood and marriage and families, and that's what I did. Um, so that was one of the huge pivots. And my wife played a key role. And the Holy Spirit of God talking to me played a big role. But that's not the last time I've had to pivot. You know, I eventually had to let go of that nonprofit, and I left an organization to go out on my own.

Jeff (00:13:51) - And I'm a free agent now, but I'm not the one making the choices. I'm trying to listen. What choices do you want to make? God, that's the difference.

Josh (00:14:01) - I'm I spent some time today because I, you know, like, I'm, uh, in the world of business and such, I'm building some stuff, and I go, God, where do you where do you want me to put my money? Where do you want me to put my energy? Where do you want me? My, my, my, my, my. And I'm, like, going. Wait a second, Josh. Like, you know, like. Yeah, it's definitely steps in the right direction. I think that I'm even asking these questions to God. But I got to constantly remember that this isn't my anything. Right? Like, if I believe in in Jesus, which I do, then he is my king. And, uh, none of this is mine. Like, and I and I rap like I hold on so tightly and I'm.

Josh (00:14:42) - I'm tearing up a little bit, man, I like I rap on so tightly to things of this world. To, you know, my careers, my my podcast, my media, whatever. Fill in the blank, right? Like I've had a lot of pivots in my life and I hold on so tightly. You had that like pivotal moment that happened like within 30s. I feel like that your 30s is taking me 30 years, you know? Um, so for.

Jeff (00:15:06) - I've had continuing lessons, including something that started in 2020 when the Covid blitz shut down all my speaking, which it just ramped up. You know, I speak to men's conferences, men's retreats and some leadership training things and coach some CEOs and stuff, but it all shut down in Covid. Um, and it led to me coming home and my wife saying, hey, this is good because I was lonely and now we can play tennis again and hang out. And you were supposed to finish that darn book that you said you were going to write.

Jeff (00:15:36) - And so this is a good opportunity. Um, and at the same time, I said, okay, cool. I have time to kind of hang out with God and let him speak to me. So this book ends up being what he wants. And I asked God to refer other me. And that was probably the biggest hinge point in life, even more so than before, because I'm now really living from my identity as a son, and I'm actually listening to to God as my dad, as much real time constant as I can. And if I read the Bible, I read it as a son, not as a Christian anymore. I want to hear what ABBA Father says to Jeff. Uh, not what my brain can pick up from this wonderful book that has Jesus and prophets and all this history in it. Um, so now. I'm letting him call the shots as best I can. But what you just described, Josh, that you think is taking a while, uh, to change, is really big, though, because you said I don't own any of this.

Jeff (00:16:38) - You don't own your money, you don't own your podcast, you don't own your businesses. You don't own the game plan the strategy for it. You don't own your assets. You don't even own your body. God made you, and then he gave you everything you have and you're stewarding it from. And he's cool with that. He wants us to thrive, succeed, climb a mountain, build a business, uh, win a Super Bowl. But he wants it to be received from him. So we're not screwed up by the pride of self accomplishment, right? So when you make the title transfer of everything in your life from you. To God. That is when you become free. That's when you start hearing God's voice. But a lot of us are afraid that God will run my life worse than me. God's not as generous as me. God's not as nice as me. God doesn't want as much fun as me. God doesn't have quite as cool plan. He's good on getting me to heaven and, you know, get me to that sin problem.

Jeff (00:17:30) - But when it comes to X's and O's of business, how I kind of want my entertainment life and social life to go. I think I'm a little bit better. That's why I'll. I'll hold on to that. I'll tell you what. That is totally a deception, a lie, a trick. And it's taken me a long time to wake up and get out of that formula, because I've kind of held back from God a little bit over the years. And now I want to hold back nothing because he's way better owner than me.

Josh (00:17:59) - Yeah. Interesting. All right, so we're on the field. You have a helmet on back in the day. Do they have, like, the Radio.com inside your helmet where they can, like, communicate with you?

Jeff (00:18:08) - No, no, but I love that imagery for a while. What if we were listening to God like QBs? Listen to the coach calling the shots real time. I think that's the way Jesus lived. Yeah. Um, so. But we didn't have that helmet back then.

Josh (00:18:22) - Yeah. So here you are. You're playing. Let's just set the stage back in the day. Right? Like you're playing with the Niners. That's pretty cool right Joe Montana Steve Young ballers. Right. Like these guys pretty good.

Jeff (00:18:35) - And guys like Jerry rice to throw to who are pretty darn awesome at the ball.

Josh (00:18:40) - Yeah. You you were you were on a stacked team standing amongst giants. And you were third string, maybe. Right with with these guys going on like, talk to us about identity there where you're, you know, you're trying your hardest. You're like, God's going to bless this God. This is for you. I'm out here throwing balls and trying to inspire people and stuff like that. But you're standing amongst these other giants who are performing a higher levels or what? Fill in the blank. Yeah. Talk to us about your identity there where you're not the guy in the spotlight.

Jeff (00:19:16) - Well. You always compare yourself to others, right? We all do. Sure, yeah.

Jeff (00:19:23) - We also compare ourselves to the version of ourself that we want to be. That's always been my biggest problem, not comparing myself to someone else as much as comparing myself to the future. Jeff, that I can't wait to become. Because that's when I'll feel okay. That's when I'll be confident. That's when I'll feel secure. That's when I'll be living out my destiny and I'll feel okay. The irony is, you could reach any level of success. And if you're wrapping your security and your hopes and your dreams and you're feeling okay about yourself in that, it will never be enough. I mean, that's why Mick Jagger said, you know, I can't get no satisfaction. And that's why so many superstars and celebrities and business leaders and even famous Christian pastor, author, speaker dudes, they flame out later on because they're always chasing more, even though they've been given so much when their true treasure should have been Jesus and identity as a son in the first place. So actually, when I was with the Niners, um, I was traded as a guy that had started for the Rams for a year, went to the bench for a year, went to the Niners to back up Montana.

Jeff (00:20:35) - Young didn't come till the next year. They wanted him instead of me as their future starter, which turned out to be a good choice for them. But Joe got hurt right away.

Josh (00:20:43) - It was a good choice for them. They did okay.

Jeff (00:20:46) - Joe got hurt right away and I ended up being the quarterback. So the situation was more like, um, pressure to perform at this high level. Not that I'm a nobody compared to Giants. Um, and what I wanted to be was a fabulous Super Bowl quarterback. And so I was always comparing myself to the future version of myself. That goes back to what happened to me this year. I'm not this year, but like in 2020 when I said, God re father me, I used the Covid time at home and I read this book called um, Father God Daring to Draw Near by Dave, Paddy and entity suggested that I examine what lie have I believed? What idol have I built in my life? Like what thing that I like get bigger than God.

Jeff (00:21:33) - And is there a a life mistake or a sin that developed from those? And man, I got answers really quickly that were very, very helpful to setting me free. The lie that I had developed with this super encouraging, positive, visionary dad was that Jeff's going to be a superstar someday. But I'm not yet. So the lie was that present version of Jeff isn't enough. Yeah, present Jeff isn't enough. That was my lie. And it made me hungry for future Jeff. Who would be more significant? Who would be a starter? Who would take his team to the Super Bowl? Who maybe would be invited to speak to 10,000 people at a Christian men's conference instead of 250? I was always questing for something more, and that was my idol future. Jeff. Yeah, okay. And then the the sin that came from it was discontentment. I was never satisfied with really cool things. Josh. I was always wanted more. And basically that that means you're not grateful to God. I mean, I should be grateful.

Jeff (00:22:35) - Just that I'm alive and he gives me breath and he's not going to wipe me out because I rebelled from him. And I've fallen short. And instead he's given me adoption as his son and all the credit for Jesus's righteousness. Man, I ought to be jumping up and down grateful every day. I don't care if I'm in the NFL or not. I'm careful. They're clapping for me or booing. Um, I got total peace. I got total security. I got eternal joy. This little short term, messed up life, which does have a lot of coolness and beauty to it, but it's nothing compared to the eternal, you know, Paradise. I have that waiting for me. I shouldn't be whining. So I guess my identity has been challenged by this, always comparing to the future version of what you want your life to be. And that's where I feel like God setting me free, saying, no, I've already called you my son. I've already given you credit for the righteousness of Jesus I have.

Jeff (00:23:29) - You inherit everything in heaven. In heaven. Um, and frankly, Jesus was humbling. He said, blessed are those that are humble and meek, and they get persecuted and treated rotten, and they're more interested in being pure in their heart than they are having a big bank account or getting a lot of credit up on stage. Um, so really, anything tough is an opportunity for humility, and that's a good thing.

Josh (00:23:54) - Um.

Josh (00:23:55) - And that's a good thing. Doesn't feel like it. But there's an upside down kingdom, right? Like if there's some dudes listening in that haven't, you know, they don't have this belief system or they're just trying to explore it. And, you know, I really want to encourage them to, you know, maybe check out some of the work that you've done. This is a good time to plug your books. And then I've got some more questions to ask. But like this is a good prompt for me. Like you wrote a book called received write.

Jeff (00:24:20) - Receive, receive the Way of Jesus.

Jeff (00:24:23) - Receive the Way of Jesus for men. Uh, Jesus didn't perform his life. He didn't perform his identity. He didn't achieve this role as the Savior of the world. He received it from ABBA Father. And that's where we receive our identity. And it's the book. It talks a whole lot about friendship. Meaning, uh, there's a teamwork to manhood. The book before might be interesting for the dude who, um, doesn't really have much of a picture of this faith life. The journey hasn't been complete. It's not like he hates God, but he's not sure he believes him and or he's all that real or all that relevant or so. Maybe some, you know, church is a bad taste in his mouth. Um, his dad, you know, messed him over and his dad was Joe Christian or something. Um, so the facing the blitz one is really about the toughest things you ever face can be turned into good if you approach them God's way, which is exactly the way Jesus did it.

Jeff (00:25:25) - Um, this received book builds on that, but it goes straight to your identity. How do I figure out who am I and is it enough? And then how am I supposed to live? And Jesus shows us the way. And that's going to include a whole lot of teamwork. And you're always changing. You're always improving, you're always growing. And at the root of it is this word humility. I think humility is super duper strong and proud, and pride is weak. Pride divides. It makes you selfish. Humility unites. It makes you unselfish. Uh, humility is looking at yourself honestly. Basically through God's eyes. He says, you are worth so much more than you have a clue, dude. You are infinitely valuable, but you are way more jacked up than you realize, and you got to not be afraid to look at what's broken, what's wrong, where you're compromises are, where your blind spots are. The more you face those, the more you can be set free from them.

Jeff (00:26:28) - And you'll realize you can't fix it all yourself. In fact, you can't fix yourself at all. God is the one that does it. So humility is the pathway to having God's presence and power and transformation in your life. Pride is the thing that keeps you from him, including total truth and total love, which is what God is all the time.

Josh (00:26:49) - Yeah. So let me paint a picture. I really appreciate you sharing this story. Like you've got a you've got a cool story, but you're also you have a it feels like a firm belief. In what you're saying, right? Like you have a strong conviction that. You are, you know, righteous, made through the work that Jesus did, that you are his son, that all of these things, you know, like a 32nd, you know, uh, reversal on that front porch reminded you of this. You jump into 18 years of ministry and you help families across the world like, like like that. That's really amazing. You turned a pivotal point here in your world to like building and helping and supporting families and still doing this this day, like, you know, 20 something years later.

Josh (00:27:37) - So it's it's really cool the, the thing that I have. The thing. The question that I have is let's go back to football field, right? Let's just say, you know, Joe got hurt and you step in and you actually take it to the Super Bowl and you win. And you're the guy who throws the Hail Mary. You know, two seconds left. Game winning touchdown Jeff wins right. I can't help but think sometimes in my own life. Like, what if I got what I wanted? What what? How would I respond? How would I do? Would that have been enough? Like, what are your thoughts on that? Do you ever go go to that place?

Jeff (00:28:20) - Yeah, I think, um. My first five years with the Rams. If I'd had gotten all that like I wanted, it wouldn't have fully satisfied. And it secondly would have gone to my head. Uh, but starting to get traded. Help me realize that I'm not the most important thing in the world.

Jeff (00:28:43) - This team doesn't want me. Oh, at least another team does. I got to reprove myself again, but I started figuring out more. Hey, my life is anchored in God and His security, not in which team wants me and how stable is my career. So, you know, if at age 27, I'd want a Super Bowl and got all sorts of that stuff, I would have let some of the the glory and the pride and the building your identity on successful, humble, Christian, underdog, late bloomer quarterback. You know, uh, Brock Purdy, um, he seems more mature than me at this young age.

Josh (00:29:23) - Mm.

Jeff (00:29:23) - But that was kind of my story coming from zero and all sudden getting to play, uh, and play real well for the Niners. But I got hurt. I got a funny fan letter near the time when I was, uh, I was hurt and Joe Montana was coming back from back surgery. This guy wrote, dear Jeff, I know that pretty soon Joe will come back from his injury and you'll feel like you were shoveled off to the side and forgotten about.

Jeff (00:29:43) - Hey, don't worry, you should feel lucky to even have played on the same team as Joe Montana, the greatest quarterback to ever play the game well. What's it like? Do you get to talk to him? Is he nice? Have you been to his house for dinner? Blah blah blah. It was a fan letter for Joe written to me. And anyway, yes, yes, you're not as bad as some people might say. And it was a leading pastor in the league while I was playing, but I was still nothing compared to Joe. And this guy let me know that. Anyway, I have a fast forward five years from that point. Okay, I get to the Niners when they pick up Steve Young and said, thanks Jeff, but we have someone better in the future. I go to the Seahawks and uh. My last year. Um, we lose a game that I'm playing on Sunday Night Football. In overtime, I threw a pass to a friend of mine, Ronnie Lott.

Jeff (00:30:35) - He was on the wrong team, unfortunately, that night. Uh. It happens. They kicked a field goal, beat a sudden death, lost my job. Two days later, the coach cuts me and my little six year old says the prayer. Dear God, thanks for the food. Thanks for daddy. Please give him a new team. I want to be on the Eagles. Amen. And my wife and I open our eyes and look at each other and we're cracking up. Where did that come from? He doesn't even know that Philadelphia has a team. It turns out his soccer team is named the Eagles. And he wants daddy to be on the same team. And this whole year, it started with my wife praying that God would do some things to shake up our life so that our faith would seem more tangible and real to our kids. And oh my gosh, our life was shaken up that year in many ways, including God answers this prayer, and the next morning after Kyle prays that the Eagles call me and the GM out of the blue says, hey, you know, Randall Cunningham broke his leg.

Jeff (00:31:26) - Jim McMahon's getting beat up. We need you. Can you be out here tomorrow? Sure enough, I go out there, uh, crash course in their system, get a concussion in the first game, and go to the hospital with my kids in the police car. They were so excited, they forgot about me because I got to try out the the lights and the siren. Um, but three weeks after that, we're flying to Houston to play on Monday night. I'm the backup quarterback. And Josh, I have never felt like this before. I've always wanted to get in the game as a backup. I've wanted, you know, give me the chance. I hope I get the amen. Yeah, I wasn't rooting for the other guy to get hurt, but I was like, I'm cool with it if he does because I'm going to play well and lead the team and, you know, I'll take over the starting spot. I was that that hungry? Um, but this game, I didn't understand the Eagles system.

Jeff (00:32:14) - Well, I'd only been there a little while. I don't think it made sense to me like the Niners did, and I had no confidence. None of that, you know, moxie, that you expect from a Lamar Jackson or, uh, Patrick Mahomes or Tom Brady. Uh, that's not the NFL attitude for a quarterback. So I'm going down to Houston and I'm staying on the sidelines pregame. And I'm like, man, I got no confidence. I don't want to play. But the funny thing is I had no fear. The reason is I'd been through like ten years of God taking me up and down, up and down, up and down, saying, you know what? Don't count on this football stuff. Count on me. Don't define yourself by this quarterback stuff. Define yourself as my son. Don't think the treasure is financial. Treasure is forgiveness and freedom and joy and love and presence of God, and a kingdom that is a upside down now and be so stinking good that you can't even imagine.

Jeff (00:33:13) - And it goes on forever and ever, and you get to be a part of it. Define that as what's valuable and successful. So anyway, I've been through some of that, and I'd seen God take us through some wild things, you know, getting cheered, getting booed, getting traded, getting cut, getting picked up again and having my awesome wife in my life, um, who tells the truth more than I want or too often. And so I had no fear because I knew God was in control. Whether I played rotten average, whether we won, lost, or by chance I'd played well, which I didn't think would be all that likely. And sure enough, that Jim McMahon gets hurt. I come in the game in the third quarter, uh, they're beating me up like they were him. I can barely get time to throw a pass off, but we got blitzed and it was an opportunity and we all adjusted and I got rid of the ball before getting hit in the face and the tight end adjusted his route, caught a touchdown and we came from behind.

Jeff (00:34:12) - Won the game. The coach gives me the game ball like half the team. Didn't even know who I was. The defense didn't even know who I was. I just showed up a couple of weeks earlier and I was laughing with this crazy, giddy feeling that I'm not taking credit for this, but I'm thankful. God, you just gave me the chance to help my team win, to establish my credibility with them, to play pretty good football under brutal circumstances. On Monday night, against the second best defense in the league, uh, to barely see my tight end enough to get the ball by the ear hole or the free safety that was in my face, and to win the game and get the game ball, it was so cool, Josh, because it protected me from ego. It protected me from pride. I received it as a gift that was way more anchored in my identity in God than my identity is, you know, hard working, you know, uh, late blooming quarterback who happens to be a Christian.

Jeff (00:35:08) - Now, I was a son of God that day. And I received that gift from him.

Josh (00:35:13) - Man, you. Wow. Okay. You found freedom on the on the sidelines, right? Like you're not even playing. You're like, well, you know, like I'm, I'm I you the way you described it is. There was lack of pride in ego.

Jeff (00:35:29) - No confidence and no fear. It wasn't really a fun spot because you don't want to be one play away from going in the NFL against a great team and tough defense that can injure you and also embarrass your team on Monday Night Football without confidence. You don't want that. But at the same token, the fact that I didn't have fear was a little bit different than normal. I had this freedom, like you said. So don't expect life to get easy with God, but expected to get exciting and different. And you're not insecure anymore. You're just like, okay, who knows what's going to happen, but you're in charge and you are better than me, so let's roll with it.

Jeff (00:36:12) - That's kind of where I was that night.

Josh (00:36:14) - Yeah. And then at the end saying, thank you, I receive, I think this idea, this upside down kingdom right. Gratitude, being thankful change our heart from discontent to to a joy. This idea of humility, you know, makes us stronger when we would think that pride. Look at me, you know, makes us stronger. You know, like it's such. It's such a cool, cool picture you helped paint. Um, Jeff. Now you you travel around and you help support men. And you also help support men's ministries, right? You step into men's ministries and you provide support for them. And you go and you speak to their groups and speak to their men, and and you add you add their, um. Why are you so passionate about dudes?

Jeff (00:37:02) - Oh, well, I mean, I used to be in this marriage and family strengthening field, and, um, you can't strengthen a marriage and you can't hold a family together, and you can't shape a kid's life without the dude.

Jeff (00:37:19) - Figuring out marriage. And then becoming a husband who depends on God and does it the way Jesus wants him to. Through the power that God gives. So you got to go upstream. And really, men shape things and churches are hurting a lot of them because the men aren't involved and the churches don't really know how to address the men real well. They're uncomfortable with an entrepreneur. They don't really have a discipleship program or an engagement effort. So I, I really feel like the point of the spear, the bullseye, um, not that men are more important or more valuable than women, but they're more missing in action. They're more they're more passive. They're more damaged by the confusing age that won't show you the blueprints for manhood, that doesn't even know that masculinity is an awesome term. They think it's a toxic term. And yeah, there are toxic men and there's toxic versions of masculinity, but those are all counterfeits. True masculinity is responsibility and strength. That uses its strength for the benefit of others.

Jeff (00:38:28) - That's humble, right? Humble. Um, that's that's the masculinity of Jesus. So I want to see men rediscover what God wanted them to have all along from him, not from their self performance. And even if your dad didn't do it for you, you didn't have a dad around. Every dude has a perfect father. But we need to paint a better picture of that father like Jesus did. Remember the the father of the prodigal son that do that went and squandered it all. It was sleeping with women and partying all the time, wasted all the money and the older brother was all mad at him when he came back, because the dad was going to give him a party and didn't lecture him and punish him. Um, and the father said, son, you're back. Here's a coat, here's a ring, here's some sandals. Let's have a barbecue. Let's have a party. And he said, older son, don't be so begrudging. It's not the rules that make you a great son.

Jeff (00:39:17) - It's my love. Everything I've always had belongs to you. Come on into the party, please. Jesus is painting the picture of the ABBA Father for us right there in Luke chapter 15. Um, if we start to see Father God that way, who would be willing to sacrifice his perfect son Jesus for us and then give us credit for his righteousness? If all we do is get humble and say, yep, I can't do it my on my own, I need you and I want to let you be not just the Savior God, but this Lord King leader, you know, boss owner of me. Um, then a man really becomes a man. He becomes a force for good. He's dangerous against evil. He's safe for his wife. Safe for his daughter. Safe for his son to open up and ask questions. Um. He's going to shock the team at business when he takes the blame and acknowledges where he messed up. And he's so honest that he makes other people want to start being honest, which creates a great culture.

Jeff (00:40:21) - And he's secure enough to hire smarter people than himself. And let them do what they do. Instead of needing to take the credit, he's given the credit away. That's that's a level five liter, according to Jim Collins in Good to Great. The cool thing about Jesus.

Josh (00:40:38) - Is.

Jeff (00:40:39) - He changed the world with 12 dudes who he turned into his friends, and he turned them into friends of each other. And with no no marketing plan, no social media game plan, no real budget. He sent them out into the world in twos, teams, buddies, friends, brothers. And they changed the world. Men today are lonely and isolated and trying to do it on their own with a confusion of what it is. Anyway. There's a million versions of manhood today, especially for the young guy looking on the internet to try and figure out what manhood is. Mhm. Um, so they, they don't have the blueprints of manhood and they don't have the model of sonship, which is what your identity is.

Jeff (00:41:22) - And they're going to they're doing it on their own instead of as a team in deep friendship with one, two, three other guys that are at level five like a level five leaders. Humble a level five friend, is humble and secure enough to be honest with his friends about his jacked up nature and tell him the dumb stuff he did last week. And tell him the stuff he's thinking about doing this next week so he can be objectively counseled on it. And then he's set free to not be as dumb going forward, and to be set free from that pawn that's been kicking his butt. He confessed it to God and was forgiven many, many times. Maybe a thousand. But until he confesses his sin to one to another like God coaches us to. And James chapter five, verse 16, it says, confess your sins to each other so that you'll be set free, so you'll be healed. Um, until you do that, you're not living in the light, and you're not letting the teamwork of God get you strong to stop falling into the same rut.

Jeff (00:42:24) - And to start stepping up to the new level of being a better husband. You don't just perform it on your own. Hey, you receive it from God. B you live it out in honest friendship with a couple of brothers. Level five friendship. Is that safe? Loyal. Committed. Confidential. Intentional. Consistent. Frequent. Self disclosing and honest friendship. And it's a blast. And men are lonely. They'd love to have it, but they're afraid of it because they think they'll look like a failure in their buddy's eyes. Or they'll get burned because I was burned in the past. Dude, if you shake hands on confidentiality, like, literally shake hands with someone said, do you want this, I want this. Are you down for being honest and safe and confidential? Then a man will go deep and talk. So I just say get intentional about all that stuff. Don't take it for granted.

Josh (00:43:15) - So for dudes out there who desired that and want to know more, you have a guide for them, right? Where could they go to find it? What's the name of the guide and where could they go to find it?

Jeff (00:43:27) - Um.

Jeff (00:43:27) - I feel like God told me. Hey, Jeff, speeches don't change the world. A good retreat doesn't change the world. The guy needs to do something that sustains the life change. You may trigger something, but you better leave behind something that triggers life, that sustains life change. And that is this level five friendship. So I came up with this little playbook. I'll give God the credit because I copied as much as I could from the Bible in Jesus's style of living. I got some other ideas from some other dudes that are really quality, consistent friends. It's called the level five Friendship Playbook. It's like ten pages of bullet points. Super, you know, man friendly, guiding, like, hey, here's the game plan. Let's put this into action. Uh, what are the hurdles? What are the obstacles? What are the first steps? How do I find the right guy? What are we talking about? How do we get started? You know what helps us go deep? Um, and it's found free.

Jeff (00:44:18) - It's a little PDF download at Jeff Kemp team. Com. That's my website Jeff Kemp team.com. It'll pop up. Um, and you can find the receive book at that website too. And there's a free resource for the for the those that use the book, um, as well. They're called the Field guide. But I want every guy listening to go to go deeper and do better and have more fun and be much stronger in teamwork and have this friendship tool. So just go to Jeff Kemp team.com and um, give me put your email in and it'll give you the PDF and you can share it with your friends. It gives you something to talk about. Hey, does this look like the kind of friendship you want? Let's go for this. It gets you on the same page really fast.

Josh (00:45:03) - Yeah, it's super cool, man. Super cool. Guys, as always, reach out to our guests. Hey, thanks for being on the show. Thanks for sharing your your story, your journey.

Josh (00:45:11) - Uh, they're the links for what they're sharing. The guides in the books will be in the show notes below. So you guys could, as you're listening in, maybe running, driving, whatever. You could always go back to the episode and click on the links. Go directly to our guests though. And uh, get these tools, man. We're providing tools, hammers and saws for us to build some great futures in, in the kind of lives and the kind of men we want to be. So do that. Reach out to our guests. Hey, thanks. Uh, if you need help with anything, man. And you just need a guide to chat with. My cell is (352) 274-4500. You can always shoot me a text immediately. I'll be praying with you or connect you with one of my my past guest, because they might provide better resources than I have to provide for you. But if you need that help, man, go there. And if you want to chat here on the show and maybe share what you have for dudes.

Josh (00:46:01) - Uncensored advice for men.com. It's a great place a lot. A quick form maybe get you on the show next. So then we'll talk to you all in the next episode. Love you guys.