Sept. 30, 2022

Mid Life Clarity with David Taylor Klaus


David Taylor-Klaus reintroduces successful entrepreneurs and senior executives to their families. A serial entrepreneur, David is recognized for combining candor, intelligence, and humor with masterful coaching.

As a Master Certified Coach (the highest designation from the International Coach Federation), David challenges leaders and their teams to reach their highest levels of performance in their professional and personal lives.

David and his wife Elaine (also a best-selling author and professional coach), are "up-until-COVID empty-nesters" now living in the heart of Atlanta with their two dogs and an ever-changing array of their three children. Their life is rich and full!


His best-selling book “Mindset Mondays with DTK: 52 Ways to REWIRE Your Thinking and Transform Your Life" is available on Amazon.

david@dtkcoaching.com

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Transcript

Josh Wilson
 Good day, fellows. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Welcome. 


 Josh Wilson
 Uncensored advice for men. Men, this show is for you. Let me encourage you. You guys are awesome. That you are investing your time and energy into self improvement and listening to the coaches and consultants and all these great guests that have some advice for you, that have some encouragement for you. So kudos to you guys. I love you. We're bringing on a returning champion, Mr. David, who's a friend who's coached me and spent some time with me when I was hitting my head against darkness. I asked a question on LinkedIn, and there was something about the word Why live? Why? Just why? And he said, I loathe that question. So let's talk about it. David, welcome back to the show. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Thank you. Thank you. It's good to be back here. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah, man. You chopped off your hair. That's the first thing I noticed. Your hair. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah, like 14 inches of gray hair. Ian Hill, gone. 


 Josh Wilson
 Gone? What happened to that? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Interesting. I seem to have three year cycles throughout my world. I was in college for three years before I p***** off, did something else for three years and came back and finished. I just had lots of three year rotations in my world, and it feels like were the last two and a half years felt like six. Anyways, so I think my time scale is off because of the pandemic. My last proper haircut was February 28, 2020, and then the world shut down. I was like, yeah, f*** it. It grew to this massive mop of hair. I think it was shifting the energy. I have a fundamental belief, and I do a lot of work with my both entrepreneurial and executive clients around this. That blank space is the container in which we cocreate with the universe. If you're looking at recreating yourself, redesigning your company, Pivoting, whatever, when you're looking at re evaluating and reemerging live space is required. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 We don't hear at speed very well. For those of you who are cyclists, think about once you cross about 15 to 20 miles an hour, all of a sudden the wind going across the straps of your helmet. If you're not wearing a helmet, start the wind going across the straps. Makes it really hard to hear. Well, life is the same way. If you're trying to hear that inner awareness, that somatic wisdom moving its speed doesn't work. 


 Josh Wilson
 That's profound right there. Right? I was just thinking about this morning. My wife's like, we're getting the kids ready, flofr school, and she's like, she could just tell. My wife could just tell if I'm off like a fraction. She's like, what's wrong? Right as I'm walking the kids out to school. So obviously right. Exactly, right? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah. 


 Josh Wilson
 I'm like, Babe, I'm carrying the weight of the world. I come home and I'm carrying the weight of the family and such like that. I'm a leader, and I'm called to do it. I want to do it well. I'm moving at such a freaking fast place. Four to five interviewvalet a day, multiple businesses and such like that. I'm like, I can't hear at speed. Blank space is required. I started putting out an hour every morning from eight to nine most of the time, 90% of the time to pray, to meditate, to read, to create content. And what are your thoughts? Live. How did you even think that? The shifting energy. I know we're going to talk about why and why you hate that question, but shifting energy, creating blank space, I think that's valuable for us guys to hear. Let's dig into that first. Why? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah, we tend to move quickly, and there's a lot of messaging to men about how important it is to move and move quickly. If you ever have a chance to go sit in a Lamborghini at a track, your first tendency is to ask you to buckle in and helmet it up is to slam the accelerator, floor it. Well, here's the problem. A machine like that, high performance vehicle, oddly enough, when you pummel the accelerator like that, you're likely to get a rattle which will limit your top speed if you go slow to go smooth and go smooth to go fast. In other words, if you start off with a slower acceleration, more even, you're going to get to a much higher top speed moving smoothly. The way we live in this world, it's the same thing, going slow to go fast. I think part of our challenge is we tend to get these mixed messages about how important it is to be able to make decisions quickly. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Well, the quick decision making comes from lots of deliberate fault. No matter how good our instincts are, we have to be connected to what we know and who we are. And what our values are. And that happens with space. I would even pick apart what you're saying. You're setting that time apart. I would leave the creating content out of that bucket instead. Praying, meditating, those are things for you and for connection to what drives you. Creating content is out now. Journaling is. If you're doing praying and meeting and journaling for that hour, that's fabulous. That's going slow. I know that the more I pause before I get onto a podcast, the more I pause before I walk on the stage or flip on a zoom. The more present I am to the moment, the more able I am to be on mission and on purpose and on message. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 That's when I have the impact that I'm here to have when I'm racing. I'm not at 100% now, granted, my 80% is fantastic, and it outperforms most people and bloody amazing, right? I cheat the people I'm here to serve by skimping. Even four or five interviews a day, there's 1 minute for you to breathe, get centered, and get grounded before you open up the green room. That's five minutes a day. If you've got five interviews, that will shift your world. 


 Josh Wilson
 I am I mean, you know me. Know me for a few years, probably, and I'm a fast moving guy, right? I need something. I mean, I think I've spent a lot of time in my past of hustling and working and thinking and self work. I see something, and I'll run fast because I know it's on mission, I know it's on purpose. The problem with me I appreciate you, dude. The problem with me is I get spinning so fast, it throws up dirt in the air. I'm expecting that dirt to land into buckets that create sandcastles, and that's just not the way it works. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah. Everybody around you is covered in dust. There's also the impact of your moving that fast. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. And I'm in that freaking lamborghini. And I get in. I've never been in a Lamborghini, but I live. Hit that gas, right? It spins rather than that slow step. Have you ever been in a Lamborghini? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 No. I will tell you, experiencing Tesla, which we have a Tesla, and the acceleration is insane. But here's what I noticed. The Tesla went in for repair. This is such a first Vworldc problem, right? Tesla went in for repair, and the insurance company gave us a bloody cayenne port, of course, SUV, and I've gotten used in the Tesla acceleration, and all the torque in the engine goes to the wheels instantly. It's hard to make a Tesla squeal, right. It's also, when you hit the accelerator, it moves your heads back against the seat. In the Porsche, it was literally like, who, me? Oh, yeah. It went, and I started to notice the performance difference between the combustion engine and electric leaves a lot to be desired. Because the way the engine works totally differently. There's so much more torque, it is so much more efficient. It gave me a window into where am I losing energy, where is it not getting transferred to the group? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Where am I not wired for the speed I want? And where is it inefficiently deployed? Again it goes back to that same thing. Where am I over accelerating for the way the system I'm running is built? Faster, faster, faster. Faster is not always the answer. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah, more faster, faster. Feels good in the meantime because you're undoing s***. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Right. 


 Josh Wilson
 Live. I feel accomplished. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 But then I look at nonessential busyness. 


 Josh Wilson
 What did I actually accomplish? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 I know, but you're doing it fast. 


 Josh Wilson
 I'm doing it really fast. I checked all those check boxes, but did it produce money? Did it produce mission? Did it produce results? I'm looking at my whiteboard over here. I'm like a lot of check marks, but interesting. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 They did the right check, Mark. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. No, they're not. We're building teams and I'm learning how to be a leadersre. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah. And make a lot of mistakes. That's what makes you a Peter leader. Boom. 


 Josh Wilson
 I've done. That awesome. David, as you're talking about, I know we got to answer this why thing and I think it's important, but I think that this shifting energy, blank space, where am I losing energy? You work with talk to us about the kind of coaching and the things you work with in relation to energy, space, these other things that most business coaches might not be touching. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah, interesting. One of the wobbles for leaders, and again I work with senior leaders and entrepreneurs, one of the challenges is they believe that what's important. Some of them are still caught up in the myth that what's important for them to do is get better at doing what they do. High performers are already d*** good at what they do. Yes, there's nothing wrong with spending the time, effort and energy to refine every element of your stroke to take one or two strokes fine tune the elements of your swing, to take one or two strokes off around. That's the difference between a green jacket and not. But here's the thing. It's a golf thing. Mark Twain called golf a long walk ruined or a long walk spoiled. And I get it. I'm still works on his stroke in between back surgeries because every little refinement will improve his performance. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 However, he spends much more time working on the way he thinks and what his beliefs are and what's going on inside. If you get caught up in the myth that the only work is getting better at doing what you do, you're stuck in a constant hamster wheel, always racing. However, the real work is everything that you do gets better by getting better at being who you be, who you are. At your core. You and I had the conversation before about the Michael Angelo's approach to sculpture is very similar to what we do with coaching. That is, when asked how he carved such exquisite figures, he said, I don't. I merely released them from the stone. He's chipping away everything that isn't true, isn't the character, isn't the figure. And that's what you do in coaching. The more that a leader leads from their values and who they are authentically, the better they are at every single thing that they do, because it's coming from a place of authenticity. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 The work that I do is very much centered on that getting better, being who they be. They've done a lot of the Dewy. 


 Josh Wilson
 Part, the Dewy party part, we need to do. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 The B part is where the real work is. 


 Josh Wilson
 It really is. Man, I was just literally looking at some courses. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 We do podcasts. 


 Josh Wilson
 We have a bunch of podcasts. We have a PR company. I was literally looking at courses on how to be how to edit YouTube videos. What the heck am I doing that? That's cool, but why am I not meeting someone who's really good at editing? And I hate editing. I hate editing. Why am I doing that? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 It's not even yours of excellence, brother. Right? Yeah. 


 Josh Wilson
 All right. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Which is why I don't build websites anymore. There's a tangent here to play with, but it's about staying in your zone of genius. It's so easy to get caught up in your zone of excellence stuff that you're really good at. You get lots of awards and acknowledgement accolades for great, but it's not your genius. It's really seductive to stay in something that you're good at. Imagine you were better at editing. It can be really sexy to stay there, but it's stealing time away, effort and attention and energy away from your genius. Man, you've got so much going on in your world. The more time you spend in your zone of genius, the more impact you create. The more legacy you live, the more time you spend in your zone of excellence or your zone of competence or worse, your zone of incompetence. You are not in your genius. 


 Josh Wilson
 All right, this is going to be something that a lot of guys might not even consider, but I think you need to help us get there. Before we do, I think we should take a picture because it's been a while since I'm going to smile. That's going to be for one of our buddies. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 There you go. 


 Josh Wilson
 I'm like a squirrel sometimes. David, I'm sorry. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Listen, 82. I get it. Keep going. 


 Josh Wilson
 How do we find our zone of genius? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 This is a longer topic. Gay Hendrix wrote a fabulous book called The Big Leap, and he really dives deeply into this, and it is about looking. Japanese have a concept called ikigai, which is a combination of what you love, what you're good at, what you can get paid for and what the world needs. There are exercises in there, everywhere that make it available and feel free to reach out to me. I've got some worksheets that I give to clients a lot, and I take them through. Ikigai is a great concept to get you centered on where that intersection is, those four pillars. Getting into your zone of genius hints at that same thing from another direction. What is it that you're so good at? You can't believe everybody else isn't because it comes to you so naturally, right? There are those things that you're brilliant at. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Like, for me, one of the areas that's my zone of genius is seeing people for their magnificence, seeing the fullness of who they are and can step into. I have no agenda in what that looks like. That's up to them. I'm able to see people for that and see them and hold them in a way that enables them to begin to uncover what that is. That's why people work with me. I can also tell them the hard truth and come from a place of love. It's iron fist and a velvet glove. That's another area of genius for me. By the way, I'm so f****** brilliant at building websites, and that's a zone of excellence. I co founded a company in 95 that did that for 14 years. And you know what? Every minute I spend there, I'm out of my genius, and I'm not serving. 


 Josh Wilson
 As leadersre. I believe it is fundamental. I believe it is necessary. I believe it is vital. I don't know how other many words I could add to that. I don't have a the source, right? It is freaking imperative that was one more that we figure out what our zone of genius is and dig into that and release the control and work with other people or whatever to figure that out. I'm having a lot of conversations with guys who are going, I don't know who I am. I don't know my son, I don't know my identity. That idea of being me. Don't know how to do that. I know how to do show up swinging hammer, put out fires, deliver babies, kick down door, whatever the case may be, I'm good doing, we're good doers. The space, this blank space, you talk about freaking A, man. 


 Josh Wilson
 We're not taught how to do that. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 No. In fact, we generally avoid the play because that's when we start thinking about the things like, who the h*** am I live? What am I here for? Why am I here? What is it that I'm supposed to be doing? If we keep moving at pace and we don't hear that little voice on the inside saying something's missing, right? That's why I hit bottom at five. You and I have had this conversation, and I just posted very publicly about it during national suicide Awareness Week last week. I hit bottom in five for exactly that reason. I was moving so fast, doing all the things I thought I should. I jokingly call it living the should life and pretending it was the good life that's f*****. 


 Josh Wilson
 It is, right? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 That has driven me to the brink. I think we do that more often than people realize where we're so busy doing. We haven't paid any attention to connecting with ourselves or what we want, what's important to us. We have that moment of I really prefer to call it midlife clarity instead of midlife crisis. The clarity is much less expensive than the crisis. I think that's when we start, that voice becomes so loud, we can no longer ignore it's time to figure out who the h*** we are, why the f*** we're here, what we're supposed to be doing, what the impact is we're meant to have. I fundamentally believe that we are all here to create a shift. The lucky ones know what it is to leave this place better than we found it in some way. Entrepreneurs. Absolutely. 100% at least the ones that ever get anywhere have an idea of what that shift is. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 They may faff about trying to figure out how to make it, but they have a sense. The more we know what it is that we're here to do and the shift we're here to create, the more alive we are, the more fulfilled we tend to be and the more it becomes. A midlife clarity in the midlife crisis. 


 Josh Wilson
 40 at the time of this recording, I probably had live good four or. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Five midlife crisis, get them in early. 


 Josh Wilson
 I'm trying to get them out of the way when I don't have a tremendous amount of money to go do dumb stuff. That's why I've never driven a Lamborghini. I choose to drive a big old pickup truck because it goes slow and it's a tank, and my family is safe in it. Amen. Wow, dude. So awesome. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Okay, so by the way, you were saying it was imperative to find a zone of genius. Let's segue back to our topic, because if I said to you, so what is it you feel is important about people having to get your zone of genius? It's very different than why do we have to find our zone of genius? Why inherently puts people on the defensive? Your boss says to you, even in the sweetest tone, why did you say that? Or why did you decide that what lands for us energetically is what the f*** are you thinking? Justify. Explain to me why you said that. Why carries that energy? That may not be the denotation. That may not be the exact definition of the word which you want to do. Justify right. That's the way it lands. That's the connotation for the way people receive it, no matter how much internal work they've. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Done. Why is an inherent linguistic trigger. If what you're curious about is what's important about that to you or what drove that decision, what's behind that? What's Internet it? What are you hoping to achieve through team chat has a much better chance of landing than if you really are saying, why the f*** did you say that? Just say, Why the f*** did you say that? Right? Be clear, be honest. But why is inherently unconsciously triggering? What's important about that shows curiosity and is more likely to engage them? 


 Josh Wilson
 Start with why. Right? Simon Sinek, he drawed the circles, cool little circles, and he's like, Start with why. I think that's harmful. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 I think it can be. Again, the language, it's a problem that existed before Simon Sinek's book 25 years ago. The idea is, why am I here? You're asking yourself why it's less triggering. Now, that's not to say that the savvy, the internal negative narrative voices which are external to who we are, but we all still have them. Why the f*** did you say that? Yes. That's what some of our internal narratives do. When you do some work with positive intelligence, there's a great saboteur assessment. There positiveintelligence.com. It's a body of work I've been working with since, I don't know, 13 years. I've been using the assessment with my clients, and I started working with the company handful of years ago to go deeper. The idea of positive intelligence yeah, we have internal narratives. That internal judges voice can be really s*****, but that's different than self investigation of, wow, why am I here? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 What is that zone of genius? What's the impact I want to have? That's a sexy playground for why when it's somebody else saying it to you or you're saying it to them. There's an inherent space that's right for someone being triggered. So go for what's underneath the why. Right? Exactly. The unintended impact is s*****. If your intention is that you're really curious what's important about that or what's underneath it, or what dots did you connect that came to that? Actually? Be specific. Be curious. Have your words align with what's behind the language, because Y is going to land badly. If you ever want proof, try it at home with your spouse. 


 Josh Wilson
 I'd rather you do that and you just report how to go for you. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 David, every single time. That's why we're together 30 years. But, yeah, it's getting clear in your communication. Yes, a leader has to meet the people she or he is leading where they are. So be aware. Tailor your language and your approach for your audience. If you understand that why is inherently triggering, then ask the question that's important underneath it. Go deeper. 


 Josh Wilson
 Have your words align with your language. Right? Did I say that right? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Have your words align with the intent behind them. 


 Josh Wilson
 Intent. Got it. I believe that they look at how many words a day a female speaks versus a man. Right? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah. In that broad research, yeah. 


 Josh Wilson
 I think women have a lot more experience or practice. Right. In communication. Guys, for me, most of the time doing and other guys doing. I don't spend a lot of time being and then also practicing communication, even though I do it for a living. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Weird. 


 Josh Wilson
 How do I practice having my words aligned with my intent? How do I get better at that? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Do it badly a lot and get feedback. That's the answer to how I get better at anything. Sorry, but it is. Live checking with yourself, even if you have to say, wait, hold on a second, and checking with yourself. Did that come out? Did that land the way I intended? Look, this is back to that. Slow down to speed up. The more often you speak last, simon Sinek is on a rant about this for the last three years. Leaders speak last, but the more often that you can breathe before responding, you're less likely to have your language be a reaction to what just happened inside. Somebody says something, you hear it, attach meaning to it, and you have a response. I mean, you have a physiological response to it. Emotions get attached to it, meaning gets attached to it. If you react from their reaction is unconscious, you're less likely to have the impact aligned with your intentions. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 The more you can pause and breathe and be present to your response, your conscious response, the better off you are. There's a concept from the twelve step world that goes you're not responsible for your first start, you are responsible for your second. That's huge because your first thought is a reaction, animal reaction. Your second thought has space for you to respond to be conscious and present. So wow. My first thought has gotten me into a lot of bloody trouble over the last 50 years. 


 Josh Wilson
 You mumbled. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah, I'm pushed in 60. 


 Josh Wilson
 Right. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 For the last 57 years, my first thought has gotten me in some serious trouble. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 There are so many times if I had waited for my second thought. 


 Josh Wilson
 I'm learning this. I'm 40 and so key. You're old enough to be a big brother. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Thank you, big brother. 


 Josh Wilson
 You're welcome. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah, I would have gotten you into a lot of trouble. 


 Josh Wilson
 I bet I'm pretty good at it too. So who knows? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 You're so trusting. 


 Josh Wilson
 What I'm learning is I'm not my thoughts. This is something that I had to learn from. I think it was from someone in AA. I'm not my thoughts. They were talking because the crap that goes through my head sometimes, I'm just walking on the road and like, where did that come from? Right. My mind doesn't have to I have a great imagination. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 It works against you sometimes, doesn't it? Yeah. There it is. 


 Josh Wilson
 I'm not my thoughts and I'm not responsible for my first thought. I'm responsible for second thought and what I do with those thoughts. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yes. 


 Josh Wilson
 Awareness of what's going on upstairs. Talk to us about that. Live. Help us coach. How do we do that? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 This is why positive intelligence is so powerful, because it helps you separate from those the internal negative narratives we all have. They're all survival mechanisms. They're all designed to keep us safe. For instance, if I walk into the kitchen and put my hand on a hot stove, instantly my body is going to react before I can process it consciously and yank my hand off the stove. Well, the Saboteurs, those internal negative narrative voices, think of them as misguided angels. They have the worst strategy, communicated badly and at the worst possible time. An example would be, don't go in the kitchen. People die in there. Now, you'll never burn your hand on a hot stove again, but you'll also miss all the opportunity of what goes on in the kitchen. I cook. One of the ways I love people is I feed them. For me, that's a f***** up strategy. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Don't go in the kitchen. People die in there. Next time you're near a stove, wave your hand over it before you put your hand on it. Much better strategy. Much more logical, much more rational. There is nothing rational or logical about our fear based, survival based, negative narrative internet Voice it lobbies for the status quo. It retards growth. 


 Josh Wilson
 For people who want more than the status quo, they've got to proverbs fear. Growers. Yeah, I'm a grower, not a shower. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah, well, you're also a grower, not a status quo, because the status quo will sit still. I am cool with the devil. I know. I can navigate all this s*** right here. I don't want to change. I don't want to grow. 


 Josh Wilson
 So true. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Comfortable. Safe. 


 Josh Wilson
 Safe. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 The saboteur voices, their job is to what? Keep you safe. Safe. If what is before you is enough, go with God. 


 Josh Wilson
 Go on. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Move on. And may that be the case. I promise you, the moment it's not the case, it's going to get super uncomfortable. Back to what you were saying before about women versus men, right? The amount that they speak during today, here's the buzzkill. We're taught to shut up, suck it up, and keep it in. Yeah, it just festers in that little melon head, those thoughts. Peter and they don't ever get better left of their own. They're going to spiral off into, oh, my God, I'm an idiot. I don't know what I'm doing. Who am I? I'm lost. Yeah, right. Because you're afraid of being cut out. You're afraid of being left out, left alone and dying apart from a tribe. That's a primal fear that goes back millions of years. You can't snap your fingers and make it go away. What you can do is lean into the conscious response out loud. 


 Josh Wilson
 Talk out loud. Yeah, when it comes to team chat, is something that most people might be afraid of that you're not. Yes. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah. I used to be very afraid of quiet. This is what you and I were talking about in the green room before we flipped on, because I think we're afraid of the voices we hear when it's quiet. I know it's been a great deal of my life that way because I didn't hold the separation that I'm not my thoughts. I took the narrative, internal narrative, negative narrative, voices, truth. Well, that's a recipe for being f***** up. I've been fighting depression since I was a kid. I'm not really afraid of when it's quiet, because those are the questions that I want to deal with. Those are the questions I want to wrestle with. I want to play with how do I get better at being me? Am I living in alignment with my values? Is this relationship okay? What will make my world better, not safer? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 What will make it richer and more fulfilling? I spent a long time afraid of silence because I wasn't f****** happy with what I was doing. I wasn't fulfilled in what I was doing. I was way out of alignment with my values and what was important to me. I'm not afraid of quiet. I'm also not afraid of snakes, and a lot of people are. I think they're f****** cool. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yes. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 That is the sublime to the ridiculous. And they're both true. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. I used to work with snakes, and I do not like them. I'm afraid of them, but I used to work with them. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 I have a healthy respect for gravity and for electricity because they will both win. But I'm not afraid. 


 Josh Wilson
 Right? Yeah. I don't screw around with electricity. That in plumbing and painting. Yup. They could have that, I think. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Does nothing kill you? 


 Josh Wilson
 Oh, my gosh. The silence. I think if you did a poll right now, all the guys in the audience, raise your hand if the following is true. You get home from the time you wake up, you start watching the news or ESPN, you throw on a Netflix to the time your head hits the pillow. You have noise going on. If there is a moment of silence, it's freaking awkward. Right? Raise your hand if that's true. Yes. Comment or send me, something like that if that's true. I have a problem with that silence, and I'm learning meditation and prayer and such. What do If I start to get awkward or uncomfortable? Then let's throw down a drink. Those noises, then the silence is okay. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah. It doesn't matter what the inbrebrian is. Everybody has their own. For some, it's food. For some, it's alcohol. For some, it's weed. It doesn't matter. We lean into a nebriance to soften the silence. 


 Josh Wilson
 To soften the silence. The silence is louder than the noise. Right? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 It can be. It depends. One of the cool things about meditation is it's still in the mind, and it's quieting that narrative and building your self command muscle, right? Oh, that's a thought. Notice you're having a thought and let it go. Not, oh, s***, I blew it. I'm having a thought. You can't stop your eyes from seeing, you can't stop your ears from hearing, and you can't stop your mind from minding. Your brain is going to think. Learning to quiet your brain is a fascinating practice. That's what prayer is. That's what meditation is. Even if you're in a conversation with your God, it is just you too. It is quieting the mind. A lot of the same physiological impacts of meditation that we see in prayer as well. Creating time to be quiet. Forget we spend all day trying to separate signal from noise because there's a lot of noise. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 I've also been on a news blackout since last April for a year and a half. A huge amount of noise. And my wife likes me better. I was f****** angry. I cut out a lot of the dopamine cycle, right? People are talking about a dopamine diet now. Like, where are you for the last five years, right? That every time the phone pings, you get a little pop of dopamine. Every time you pick it up and open it up and start surfing through messages or zoom. Growing on social media or compulsively, checking Gmail, right? That's all dopamine feed having times where you're not getting that electronically. If you're then shifting your attention to silence or prayer or meditation or getting outside in the air. Yes, even in August and Georgia, getting outside studies from Molecular Journal of Molecular Psychology that just came out talking about yeah. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 We used to think forest bathing, getting time out in the woods was the only real way to mitigate stress. Nobody who live in a concrete jungle can get the same impact. Yeah, it's not true. Now, time spent outside, even in a city, has a palpable effect on the nervous system. Slow down, period. Create spaces, create gaps. Create daylight in your calendar. 


 Josh Wilson
 I interviewed a guy whose job he worked with the big tech firms. His job was to figure out how to keep the dopamine hits coming, alerts, notifications. His job was to keep you addicted to technology. That was his job. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Absolutely. There are millions of him working in technology. 


 Josh Wilson
 I am not smarter than them. And here's what I had to do. Delete those things. I had to delete my Facebook. I'm a 40 year old freaking man. I was controlled by influenced by Facebook, right? I had to delete that on my phone two years ago because I would scroll and I would get angry, and I would get in fights with people who would never actually fight me on the street. And it made me angry bird. I was anxious. I didn't get rid of news, man. I walk into the office in the morning and people will spit negativity at me. Oh, did you hear this is going on in the world? And this and that. By the time my b*** hits the seat and I'm here to inspire men, I'm already freaking negative. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah. How does that impact the rest of your day? 


 Josh Wilson
 F*** off, man. Like, not good. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Yeah, that energy trails behind you like toilet paper on your shoe. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Can't hide it. 


 Josh Wilson
 Can't so good. The dopamine diet. The silence. Afraid of silence. It's tough, bro. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Well, actually, no, it's not. When we hold the sale, it's tough, and we make that true. It's not. Once you decide. There's a difference between choosing and deciding. Okay, I'll give you an example. This is why it's important, because it's not hard when you decide. It's hard when you're still choosing. I'll give you an example. I have a black pen and a blue pen. If I choose the blue pen, then I just put the black pen back in the cup and I have it for the next time I want to choose a pen. Right? If I have the blue pen and a black pen and I decide on the blue pen, I cut away the option. The location root for the word decide is desiree, which means to cut. Literally, deciding is cutting away the other options. It's burning the boats after you've reached the new world. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 It is absolutely unequivocally making a decision to move forward or to move right. Choosing allows for plans. Bcde. So on backup, deciding doesn't no. Backup plan means you chose. You didn't decide. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah, I like that. I was like, Where's he going with this? And he threw a pen. Hopefully he didn't hit lane. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 My office is littered with us. I got to clean up the corner lane. 


 Josh Wilson
 Are you all right? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 That's why we have a wall with us. Safety. That is we spend a lot of time choosing. There's an early podcaster who talked about the idea when he decided it was time for him to lose weight. He was morbidly obese. He's a leadership. The podcast about leadership. This just happens to be part of his personal journey. He said he decided that he was going to work out every single day, seven days a week, period, every morning, because he said 100% is easy. 99% is hard. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yes. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 That'S deciding. 


 Josh Wilson
 That's deciding. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 It's taking it to the extreme. But that is a decision for me. 


 Josh Wilson
 I can say no to booze, weed, too much food or something like that. I can say no. I have a very difficult time saying stop once it hits the lips. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 I'm like another tequila. 


 Josh Wilson
 It's a decision. I'm not going to drink for September or whatever. I'm not going to eat dessert. I had some Cold stone last night, which was phenomenal. I took the wife Fiana state ice cream date. Yeah, ice cream date. Deciding for me is safer than choosing. Choosing feels safe because I have a backup plan. I had the red and blue for later on, right? It feels safe, but it's not scary for me. Safe for me is deciding. I know. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Amen I'm choosing? 


 Josh Wilson
 Man, I love that. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 It's not hard to play with this unless you say it is. If you decide it's not, there's a speaker, Larry wingt, who talks about the idea of make the decision and then make the decision. Right? Our problem with second guessing is it leaches energy away when you decide. You work every issue that comes up. It's not hard. It's part of the decision. 


 Josh Wilson
 He's the guy who writes about live, the no bullshit kind of thing, right? He's the bulldog bald, short little guy, group up hair. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 That was his last book. Yeah. 


 Josh Wilson
 Awesome, man. So, I love you, and it's so good to have you back on the choosing for deciding. The silence, the creating a blank space, so many golden nuggets from our conversation, and I love our conversations together. What is something it could be business, personal. It could be something that you hope that someone would ask you on a podcast interview because you do speaking and you spend a lot of time with. What do you wish someone would ask you? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 What's the easiest what's the easiest step they can take? By the way, this is true for elevating my leadership, for getting more in touch with me, to being better at speaking, you name it. Pause, breathe, get centered, period. Because it's something that you can do here. People learn by small actions repeated with high frequency over a duration of time. It's the only thing that ever works, ever. Drilling down to every habit building program, same thing. Small actions repeated with high cadence, high frequency over a duration of time. Depends on who study 30 to 40, live to 60 days. That duration of time to build a habit? There's one that you can do. We were talking about it before. Before you get on the podcast, 1 minute. Breathe, get centered, get clear. We change the energy you enter the space with before you walk into a high visibility meeting. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Right? Breathe, get centered, walk in. By the way, you learn how to do this with a couple invisibly deep breaths while you're sitting in the room. It's the most powerful thing you can do to elevate your ability to be present to what's happening now. 


 Josh Wilson
 Pause, pause. Hit freaking pause for you dudes out there. You know who you are. Pause, breathe, get centered, period. Always DDK where can I go to connect with you? And go, hey, I need freaking help. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 The easiest way to find me to learn about what I talk about, why I talk about it. See. Why is David dtkcoaching.com? 


 Josh Wilson
 It's. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 D like David t like Taylor k like Clouts dtkcoaching.com. Also one of the things you and I talked about earlier is I'm standing up a community around the idea of better human, better life. You can go to betterhumanbetterlife.com to see that as it begins to evolve over the remainder of 2022, that's the fourth quarter project. Every one of us is looking for some vision of a better life. More money, more time, less stress, more love, you name it. Everybody has their own language around that. The truth is, your path to creating the better life that you crave is to be a better human. That means being better at being the human that you are. So it's better joshing. It's getting better at being the human that you're here to be and you're meant to be. That's the path to your better life. That's what the community is built around. 


 Josh Wilson
 Super cool, dudes. 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Those are the two ways to come find me. 


 Josh Wilson
 That's great, guys. Reach out to our guests. Reach out to David and say, hey, I heard you on the show and I need help. I want to be a part of this community. I want to be a better whatever your name is. I don't know your name, but be that. Be the better Bob, right? 


 David Taylor-Klaus, MCC | he.him
 Be that. 


 Josh Wilson
 Yeah, be that. Always reach out to our guests. Thank you. If you need help, ask them for help. Their contact information will be in the show notes, the squiggly things below. If you need help connecting with someone, just ping me, send me a message. Go uncensored. Advice for men. Men.com, fill out a form and be like, hey, I want to introduce past guests, whatever. If you have some advice that you want to share with other guys, you want to share your story, your testimony, some advice, let's be brave and let's do that. That's how we're going to learn and grow together through this thing called podcasting. And YouTubing right. So I love you guys. Oh, by the way, we're now on YouTube. We put like a couple of hundred videos just now. I'm not an editor. That's where we've been discussing this. The videos are just kind of all, let them rip. 


 Josh Wilson
 But I love you guys. You could check out the videos on YouTube and the podcast on everywhere. You got a podcast? Love you guys. We'll talk to you all on the next episode. See you.

David Taylor-Klaus, MCC Profile Photo

David Taylor-Klaus, MCC

Coach, Author, Speaker, Truth-Teller

David Taylor-Klaus reintroduces successful entrepreneurs and senior executives to their families. A serial entrepreneur, David is recognized for combining candor, intelligence, and humor with masterful coaching.

As a Master Certified Coach (the highest designation from the International Coach Federation), David challenges leaders and their teams to reach their highest levels of performance in their professional and personal lives.

David and his wife Elaine (also a best-selling author and professional coach), are "up-until-COVID empty-nesters" now living in the heart of Atlanta with their two dogs and an ever-changing array of their three children. Their life is rich and full!

His best-selling book “Mindset Mondays with DTK: 52 Ways to REWIRE Your Thinking and Transform Your Life" is available on Amazon.