Gaining CTRL with Sean Sullivan

Josh Wilson
 Welcome. Uncensored advice for men. Men josh here. I'm bringing one of my buddies. I've known him for maybe five years or so. He's a fellow podcaster and we've just stayed in contact through many of life's ups and downs, and we've shared our journeys as fellow podcasters. That's where we met. We met on LinkedIn doing podcasting together, and I just figured I'd bring him on. He's got some interesting things that he's been through, but also an interesting way of looking at grief, looking at emotions, but tying it back to data. He's an interesting way of exploring things. So with that Shaahin. Shaahin. Shaahin. Shaahin. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Shaahin. 

 Josh Wilson
 Cheyene. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Uncensored advice for men. Me on I think it's been about five years, our podcasting realm, I think kind of our LinkedIn when were kind of super users at the time and just kind of realized the more valuable connect were definitely in the community of the podcast and everything not discrediting LinkedIn, but it's just kind of the authenticity. Obviously, Josh has been on my podcast, so I was like, what, let's jump on his. So thank you for meeting me. Be on the show. I'm grateful. 

 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. So let's just do this. Anytime I interview another kitcaster, give a shout out to your podcast and about the focus of it so the guys in my audience could jump over, subscribe, and give you a massive raving review. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Awesome. I appreciate that. Yes. It's called Sean Convergecoffee and I talk about I interview guests all across around the world about customer experience, just kind of diving into kind of the four elements of meeting, which is messaging, design, tech, and customer experience, and just kind of realizing that experience is paramount. I think businesses today are two product focus and they need to be more experience focused around how are you going to generate the feelings as well as within each episode? I actually talk about the guests in their intro as well as their customer experiences, how they grow, but also the humanity behind who they are, what they do as a hobby, what they do as a health. It just kind of reveals the shining light of how people kind of operate on the back end, day in, day out grind trying to achieve those goals. 

 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. Super cool. Through your time of interviewvalet people in the world of podcasting, what was one of your most memorable moments or maybe one of your favorite moments in podcasting? 

 Sean Sullivan
 I think there's a few of them. One was kind of the very first episodes of interviewing colleagues who were mentors, who are friends. I think one was interesting with them. We know Mutually Eric Deckers and he's a ghost writer, awesome writer editor. I just asked him, I said, what do you do as a hobby? Just to kind of unwind, I do woodworking. I was like, you never told me that. Why don't you tell me that? There's another one who did the influencer ecosystem and he did things like did that with IBM and his hobby was medieval, like chain label, like melee like blood instruments live hitting each other. You put all the full armor on and then just would go without each other. I mean, there's other ones who I just would not know of their backgrounds or just little interesting stories. Much of the episode is about how people have grown their businesses and built things around their company and their focus is around that. 

 Sean Sullivan
 It was more so the humanity of just who they are. Just kind of a data analysis for you live. Out of the 119 episodes I have today, I found a correlation to people who their work and their hobby are almost intertwined. There's a definite inkling of passion that drives of what you want to do and kind of where do you want to actually make money at in that day in, day out grind. So I thought that was just interesting. Just kind of giving you a little shout out to the Converge Coffee podcast. It's a tribute to my late mother as well as just kind of the lessons I've learned over the last four or five years. Making it a joy. 

 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. Now. So that's a great Preston Co. I'm going to spin it back on you. What is one of your unique hobbies? Or if you could have any hobby in the world, which would you choose? 

 Sean Sullivan
 Oh, man. It's a hobby and it's an intertwined with what I'm passionate about, hopefully make money live. It's my actual future career that I want to do two things. I love being a public speaker. Somehow I end up doing public speaking and I guess live not standing ovations. I did that in high school and I actually predicted a funnel cloud and almost tornado. The title of my speech class speaker was we will not go gently into the night. All of a sudden we had a tornado warning live, literally live 15 minutes later right when the valette was speaking. It was actually kind of funny. We had to redo the whole graduation again the next week. The other one would be basically a data optimization coach around live revenue, operations and data. And I do that. I just see that in myself. What I do in my current position with other positions as well as when I work out, I'm big into CrossFit just because not like, hey, you're heavy weights, but it's understanding where your weakest at and try to work on that, but then see that in others in the sense of where do you need to work on that? 

 Sean Sullivan
 How can you get better with just little efficiencies like body movement Efficiencies as well as mental efficiencies in the sense of live? How can you get through a grueling long workout? What are kind of those triggers in your mind that you can reenergize and revitalize yourself? 

 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. Now, I know that you're a fan of neuroscience and you like to couple that with some of the experiences that you went through when dealing with grief, loss of mother and loss of some job. Why don't you kind of walk us through, first of all, the loss and then how did you approach grief differently that maybe you applied neuroscience and data to assist? 

 Sean Sullivan
 Back in 2019, just reflecting on my stuff, I was raised by a single mom. She was awesome. She helped me in so many ways. I was on another podcast called The Next Pivot Point where I was able to actually have that recording with us together. Even I just met with a previous professor, my Alma moderate butler, and he said, I remembered how fondly you talk about your mother. I just kind of heard things and just kind of reflecting on things is that even though I don't realize it, I had a very strong and unique relationship with my mom. I kind of felt like she was kind of that facilitator of understanding what was kind of going on in her life and good attributes that she wanted to pass down to me. And she enforced that. She kind of just let me be my own person too, and kind of let me grow and try things, because she's like, D***, Sean. 

 Sean Sullivan
 She had a little quote. She was like, you're really good with money. This is my early 20. She's like, you're really good with money, but you don't have any yet. I was like, thanks, mom. I was like, that's a great insight, but she let me be me, and she knew that I was going to come around to whoever I was dating. She's like, yeah, that was the right person for you after I broke up with them. And that kind of stuff too. She was just a very wonderful woman, and she played a dual role in being mom and dad, but she also brought male influences my life to learn and just to learn different aspects of just kind of what it was to be a man. I think that was just kind of very important thing that she did. In 2019, she didn't tell very many people. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I think she told one or two of her best friends that her heart was failing after having triple bypass and just different things about four or five years before that when she passed away. She passed away. Brought was very shocking. It was very traumatizing and with that grief and it was actually kind of an amazing thing. I actually talked to other people who lost their mom in their 20s live. They came out of the woodwork and that was the same person who was over at the next Pivot Point podcast. It was like a group that you didn't want to be in, but a group that you understood. Coincidentally this past weekend was the kind of the culmination of a whole estate. Just kind of everything coming together. I think this is kind of the perfect opportunity. You kind of mentioned it takes a few years of not just going through the stuff and the legal and everything else with her estate and selling things off and going through things, but it's the emotional weights and initially kind of reflecting back on it. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Going through her funeral, going through her wake, going through her burial, all that kind of stuff. You don't realize how in a shock state you're in. You don't feel how numb you are. You just make the decisions and with everything like that, you can really tell who your family is. Unfortunately, some of my immediate family did step up or they didn't know how to step up. It was actually essentially my friends, my mom's friends who stepped up and they just saw how much like it was taking a toll on me. And even some of my best friends. I've got three best friends and all of them basically one took me under his wing and two, their families and then took me under their wing and they're like, hey, we're adopting you. You don't have a say in it. We're taking in. That was just the true test of who my mom was because at those wakes or there's funerals of the display or whatever the showing, I call it wakes, but I just saw how many people she impacted and she was live. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Such a gentle impacter. She always created positivity, even though she would tell me what the s*** was going on or the gossip or that kind of stuff. She wasn't very gossipy person, but she was like things that affected her. She still came into the office and tried her best and she came to the office and always talked about me. People said, you are her live. I just didn't know how many people were impacted. I talked to people who worked with her 20 years ago that still showed up, where people were like, hey, you worked with this person or bosses from 15 to 20 years ago live. Hey, if you need anything, let me know or just family connections. It was just kind of amazing how things just people just came out of the woodwork and just saying, hey, we are here just to make sure that you're okay and to give honor and just to kind of remember things. 

 Sean Sullivan
 It was kind of one of those things where it's just true testament and just kind of know what the level of connection we had was. I couldn't find a will until two weeks after the waste because she was a chaotic organizer. I'm live very much, like, organizing, and she had a handwritten will. It was very much like it wasn't legalized. It wasn't notarized. I found it, and I got 90% of it right. I'm a numbers person. I got most of it almost right. Some of it was out of my control live. I just couldn't get something at that time, whatever it was. I got most of it right, and I was like, what? Also, it was more for I think when she wrote it was more for me. But she asked me a few things. She was like two things. One, let the house go. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I didn't realize until this past weekend when I actually got the offer and about to sell the house, then I needed to let it go in my own right, too. The other thing is, she's like, Take care of my baby. She had a few cats, little fur babies, and that was my first priority, was taking care of them and making sure that one went to a really good friend and took care of them. The rest of them I took in, and they're like, oh, my God, why did you take in four cats? And I'm like, you know what? I knew them since they were babies too. It's one of those things where when you go through grief and loss, you essentially want to purge the things that you are not necessarily a connection anymore, but you want to take time to kind of release that connection or emotion to the object. 

 Sean Sullivan
 When it comes down to living things that are people, pets, whoever that true connection is of not the object but actual living being, you keep those as tight as possible. Because even though I lost two of these four cats over the last few years to cancer and jaundice or lipid disease. Even though that I'll say f****** sucked. And it was so hard. I still had a gaping wound and had to relive that yet again and again. That it allowed me to understand my healing process deeper after I was able to assess it. After I was able to talk to family and friends. It allowed me to kind of do a reverse thing where I'm one of those people. I'm like, yeah, I'm okay. It's okay. Yeah, I'm okay. Even though I might have a freaking scar on my back or live, I have a gaping wound, I'm like, no, I'm fine, rather than, no, I need to talk to somebody, and who do I need to talk to in order to let these emotions out, because if you bottle it up, and you bottle it up, not only affect your mental heath, you affect your bodily health. 

 Sean Sullivan
 You're tight, you're stressed, and it affects who the person it inhibits the person you want to be. 

 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. Holy moly. Yes. 

 Sean Sullivan
 That trajectory of all of that, I've played this reflection in my mind where I was like, I needed to learn this. My mom gave me the gift, and she gave me other gifts, too. Live. Oh, my God. She knew how much I struggled with things, with trying to start my own business, trying to put good into the world, trying to make money. I just kind of reflect on these kind of good god, weak moments, if you want to call them, where my grandfather built this house. The thing is, I reflect on it. It served my family for 70 years, and I had to reflect on that rather than losing the memories tied to that object. But the memories aren't with me. The memories aren't me. What I can give to that the home was just a home. Yeah. It was built back in the 1940s. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Guess what? It's okay to let it go. It was an awesome investment for 70 years. Come on. And that's how I see it. The kind of the god we move it out of it was the buyers, I think, knew my mom. In a culmination of things, once you kind of let things go and allow things to happen, good will come back into it. You might not realize it. You might try to control the situation, but the less control you give up, the more you get back. 

 Josh Wilson
 Yeah. So sorry for your loss, man. That sucks. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Thank you. 

 Josh Wilson
 I never know what to say right. When a situation of loss, and I've experienced loss myself, and I've had friends that experience loss, and people are like, you shouldn't say this, you shouldn't do that. Don't tell people how you feel. What I found is there are no rules in terms of the right way. It's based on the relationship, and you just do your best. It's better to just do your best and try and lean in and try because you're going to f*** it up anyways, right? That's what I learned. You're going to say the wrong thing. When you lean in with an intent to love someone, I think that's the best way to deal with other people when they're going through grief. That your experience, or did someone absolutely just screw up in the past? 

 Sean Sullivan
 There's one person that screwed up, but I'll tell that story in . But the first one was. I learned from a very highly emotional. Intelligent. Former employer. Former boss was always in the back of your mind. Know that people are coming from a good place when they say something or when they do something. Whether that is in the most dire moments. Whether that's in dating. Whether whatever that is. Because you don't know the experiences. They go you don't know the trigger mechanism. You don't know live. There's a lot of neuroscience, a lot of things going on with just synapses firing and everything. People say things, they're just trying to figure out themselves because they don't know, and that's okay. I was going through those moments, I gave grace to myself. I gave grace to everybody else. My job was to I wore the last suit that my mom bought me, got it tailored, got everything because I dropped weight, gained muscle. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I was really getting into fitness and getting more so in the sense of, I want to make sure that I'm living my best life. And physical fitness was part of that. Besides the point, I made sure to stand by the doorway and to greet everybody, and I said, hey, I don't care if you come in jeans. I don't care if you come dressed up. My mom wouldn't care. I don't care. I'm going to give you a handshake, hug, kiss, whatever you want. Just tell me, and we'll grieve together. There's a few people that and the best thing to do for grief people are grief. I found out. I read sheryl Sandberg's option. Or plan B. Or option B, I think. Or plan B. Option B was in your in grief sticking. When someone's in a grief sticking straight, like the very raw thing, everybody offers condolences, that's fine. 

 Sean Sullivan
 The last half of it is, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know. You're putting the burden back on the person in grief versus if your connection to that. Preston Co, for instance, Eric. I'll tell you a little story about Eric. I was going through all the funeral planning, and there was one thing that I just couldn't wrap my head around, because family grew up Catholic, issues with live just in the sense of should I bury her or should I have her cremated? I called Eric, and he said, Shawn, he says, here's what my advice is. Because I went through this with Tony, his wife's dad, he says, Your mom's soul has left it's in a better place. The body is just a husk. He says, So do what you think is the possible. Because I was thinking about money. I was thinking about this. 

 Sean Sullivan
 He moved removed money out of the situation. He acted like a very good friend in this sense. He knew what to say. He's like, I know how to help you. And so I said, yeah, cremator. Actually, that turned out to be really good, because in order to cremator Live, the barrier, I would actually have to bury away from my grandparents. In cremation, I could put a bench near my. Grandparents. In a way, it worked everything out. People are in grief states, one of my other friends, Steve and his parents live somehow worn down. I was and they're like, have you eaten? And I said no, but I'm open. They're like, no, after the wait, we're going to go get something to eat. It's just trying to figure out where's that level is that the little small little helps you can do for people. If that is like, hey, what are you doing for breakfast tomorrow? 

 Sean Sullivan
 I don't know. We're going to go to breakfast. I'm going to pick you up. It's those acts of service and a whole other level of making sure that I'm taking a burden off of you. Going back to people have just f***** it up. I'm not going to say bad about him because he has passed away since just with everything with COVID. My late uncle couldn't make a decision on even a small flower arrangement that he wouldn't put for his side of the family. When the flower arrangements got there, he complained about the color and everything. I looked at him, I'm like, who f****** cares about the d*** color? It looks gorgeous. Yeah, they f***** up. Who cares? It's a small little thing. It was like picking out a little nitpicking things. I knew how he was trying to cope with it. He went to the level of just dialing in on something that just was out of control. 

 Sean Sullivan
 He was not processing it well in the sense of like, oh, he's like, yeah, I should have just let it go. But he didn't. I had my cousin's husband announced my mom's death on Facebook before I even knew about it. And I found out via Facebook. At the time, I was like, I'm going to give him grace. That's how he's processing. Because he had a single mom and he lost her at a young age. In the same respect, there's a boundary of the level of the connection you have with that person. Allow that person to know and allow that person to make the announcement to everybody else. You didn't have a direct connection. I was her son. That's a boundary that you crossed. It's kind of just when you're going through that grief state, just kind of live assessing your self awareness of where can I help and where can I give, versus I shouldn't be taking away from the situation, and I shouldn't be all about me. 

 Sean Sullivan
 In the Greek and straight, you have to assess those people for honorable actions versus, oh, is this all about me? Because the thing is that she passed away. That announcement should be about her. That's why we have obituaries. It's about having what that person did in their life and how they affected other people and their tributes. I call it one of the best things in Tap Mobile that I've noticed was The Kingsman Live, the first movie a few years ago where I told him, he says, yeah. He says, I have all these accolades behind me in time and that kind of stuff that I helped save the world. He says, but a gentleman should only have been in the newspaper three times in his life, he says, when he's born, when he's married, and when he dies. I mean, obviously everybody's going to have accolades and awards and things out there. 

 Sean Sullivan
 When he mentioned that in the sense that it wasn't about the accolades and awards, it was about how his viewpoint in life was in a sense that the accolades and awards are secondary to how am I living my life from birth to death and who am I bringing on that journey with me? Whether you're married or not, whether you have a partner or whoever that may be, how are you bringing them on in your life and walking together throughout life and making those experiences and making those moments? I just kind of put those together. Whoever the writer was on that was ingenious of inserting that little notion of how to be actually a healthy man and how to viewpoint that as a gentleman or another quote I live is blast from the past from Brendan Fraser where the gay roommate tells Alicia Silverstone's character, he's like, yeah, Adam, who was the characteristic. 

 Sean Sullivan
 He says, yeah, Adam believes the gentleman is making sure that everybody else around him is comfortable. She's like, how do we learn that from his parents and live? Yeah, it's probably beneficial to be live, be around your parents in a bomb shelter for 20 to 30 years because you get to pick up things from older generations and understand where their viewpoints are coming from in order to learn from those experiences and to do things better. It's basically epigenetics. You can break patterns like things that are coming down your ancestry line. You're noticing patterns in your family, but then you notice how people can alter that and success stories that come out of that, from abuse to addictions to other things, that once people start altering the synapses and understanding this self awareness, the gorgeous thing out of it is that you can basically cocoon yourself and become a butterfly out of that. 

 Sean Sullivan
 It's going to take a lot of work. It's going to be a lot of years, probably decades, but it's a possibility to hand off to that to the next generation. And it starts with individuals. 

 Josh Wilson
 Epigenetics what does that explain what that is? 

 Sean Sullivan
 So epigenetics. Along the whole path of trying to figure out grief and loss live, beginning of last year, I just noticed false and myself. I noticed cyclical patterns of behaviors that I didn't want. I noticed this also in family members. And I'm like, you know what? I got to break this. I sought out a mindset coach, and he's worked with executives and sales leadersre. And it's Kevin Bailey dream fuel. Just a little shout out to him because he's another person who changed my life. I did a cohort session for three months and understanding the neuroscience and understanding things and even his background of how he became a burnout executive. Took years to study this kind of stuff and kind of put things together. When he talked about epigenetics, it's literally like DNA that's passed on behavioral DNA that's kind of passed on to generations. The thing is that you can rewire your brain to break those cycles. 

 Sean Sullivan
 You can break cycle. It's just amazing how you can rewire your energy, your synapses in your body and actually re peter your body's chemistry. I've interviewed people previously. Live one of them was a sleep consultant. Riley and he altered his Crohn's disease by changing his behavioral sleep patterns and reversed this Crohn's disease. Live our actions have such a power into this world. Our words have such a power to our tied to our actions. That's what I wanted to investigate, was how to do that. Everybody's like, hey, in your mindset stuff, everybody's talking about mindset these days and how to alter things and how to do things and this kind of stuff. The true secret around things is the actual how can you be consistent with these behaviors that you want to change? So I actually started to track that. I started to track my nutrition and was consistent every single day until this last Labor Day weekend, where I was the best man at a wedding, where one weekend I had to not concentrate on food, but concentrate on the groom. 

 Sean Sullivan
 For three and a half years, I tracked my nutrition every single day. I had cheap meals and that kind of stuff, too. I kind of sum those up, but that's 700, 800 days I tracked. I was like, you know what? I noticed changes in myself tracking this and altering this and talking to my fitness coach about changing that. I was like, why don't I be my own mindset coach and track other things? Like how minute meeting I have for my home, how many times am I volunteering, how many dates I've been on? I look back on each week and I notice how I'm feeling based upon how many direct correlation, how minute meeting other things, because that's where I pull my passion, that's where I hold my anxiety. And then I start altering. People say, like, hey, you need to be 1% better each day, that's a total mindset trick to making sure that you give yourself grace. 

 Sean Sullivan
 In actuality, in the law of sum of numbers, when you start tracking things throughout the year, you technically want to be zero 75 live right around this time, literally zero 1% better each week if you are 1% better each week. Yeah, if you falter on a workout one day out of the week or whatever, there's a little variation of live calling below point 25%. I can get into live deviation numbers and that kind of stuff too, and variations, but essentially you just want to be 1% better each week. That puts a load off of your site of like oh, I need to be 1% better each day. No, all you have to do is small little things. For instance, I track what I do during the week in the sense of not only what I do for work, what I do for my own podcast, how many hours I put into it, because I had to have intentional focus on it. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I found out each day, I spend about 2 hours each day working out, and that is live one and a half hours working out, but also travel the time. Altogether it's my focus in on that. I spent another day live writing or another part of the day writing. I spent an hour just writing and just writing things down, putting things together. So that's 3 hours. Another part of my day is I look into what investments, what money am I putting into things, how am I making money. Literally 4 hours out of my day. That takes an evening where I'm not watching a vision show, I'm not wasting my time and other things, but I put an intentional focus on things to re energize me. I go back into work or when I start out my day, or when I end my day with less anxiety. 

 Sean Sullivan
 It's almost a reset beginning of the day at the end of the day, as well as my mindset practices that I learned from Kevin in the sense of my deep breathing, my meditation, and I've altered a few things of how does that adapt for me and how does that work for me. Literally about three to 4 hours out of the day, I put back into re energizing myself and a lot of self care. 

 Josh Wilson
 Wow. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Yeah, I might not be perfect every day, but that's where I track those consistencies with that in order to say, okay, can I skip eating very nutritious and I can just order in, but I still count those macros or the proteins, carbs and fats that are going to buy. 

 Josh Wilson
 And so this is like Excel spreadsheets. To track all this. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I'm using a simple Excel spreadsheet. Where I figured out, I'm like, okay, this is how many live last year I was going through so many job interviews, I'm like, okay, I'm just going to count all or how many podcast, internet. I had over almost 200 individual interviews last year and I actually extrapolated all that information and I put it into analysis. The spreadsheets were very simple because I'm like, okay, what do I track here? What do I track? Basically? What am I putting my energy into? So it's minute meeting. That's a huge thing. Like anything that's drawing away from my intentional flow of work and my deep focus on work, I say, okay, what is taking away from that? So I put a tracker on that. So how many times did I journal? I do my journaling every day in my deep breathing. How many times I did a cold shower? 

 Sean Sullivan
 How many times did I work out this week? Did I work out an extra just to kind of recoup from missing a day? Or do I want to get sick early in the year? I just want to recoup those averages, finding out like, I'm about 80% consistent. Actually having coveted twice earlier this year, I'm 80% consistent going to the gym. I found out that even if I was 85, 90%, there's diminishing returns. What I found out was that my nutrition place even more of a key factor. At one point in a previous coach, I wanted to gain weight, I wanted to gain muscle. I was eating 4000 calories a day, but I wasn't working out enough to burn that in retrospect. So I gained weight. With my new coach, since the old coach had to close this gym, decides to put great coach. The new coach was like, Sean, you're eating way too many carbs. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I was like, D*** straight I'm eating too many carbs. All she's eating too much. I found out from there that my A one C was borderline with the doctor. And I knew exactly the pinpoint. I'm eating too much white rice. And he says, Holy s***. I'm diagnosing myself because I know myself. I know my daily patterns throughout the day. I did that, lost ten to £15. In actuality, my muscle mass actually increased because I was working out more. My body was able to absorb the proverbs and not just absorb the carbs straight out because carbs absorb faster than proteins. Just understanding simple little ways and then just literally it takes me five minutes to track my progress each week. Knowing where I put my energy, and I'm like, it's just a little trigger moment. I'm like, okay, I put a little reminder in, get that done. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I'm like, that's why I felt exhausted this week. Or, that's why I felt this week. It just kind of helps you just kind of align. It's very much an alignment in yourself of how to get better. I actually have an acronym to share with the group here, so I call it Control. CTRL and the biggest things in Control is live. We want to control our own destiny, but we also don't want to control, to have too tight of a grip on it. I call it the rudder, where if you're in a boat situation, you want the boat to freely flofr through the river. A lot of mindset, people talk about this too, you want to be fluid with your live, but the rudder is essentially your conscious, and the boat and the river or the ocean is your subconscious. Your subconscious can actually dictate a lot of the connections in this world, but your conscious is the one that's steering this every single day. 

 Sean Sullivan
 The control aspect is that you have to have capacity of what you're doing. You have to have the capacity of time, energy, whatever. The other one is tension. You don't want to put yourself under too much tension because then that's where you face depression, that's where you face anxiety, that's where you kind of harbor things. The R is repetition, so that's consistency. You want to be as repetitious as possible. The problem is a lot of people are like, what should I be repetitious about? I do my data coaching and my kind of rev ups coaching, I really play into effect of the little pivots that they can do because essentially everybody can manifest their own destiny. Everybody knows what they want, they just need a direction to go there. If you see live, really high performing athletes, they know what they want, they know what they need to do during the day, but they need coaches just to give them a little perspective, a little insight. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Like Drew briefs, for instance. A few years ago, it was like the new quarterback coach for the Saints was like, I don't know what to tell Drew briefs. He's been around for twelve or more years live. He's an awesome thrower, all these accolades, he says. What I learned from Tribe Brief was I'm seeing things from the sidelines that he might not see. So he alters it a little bit. I altered my given perspective and then actually just bump his game up just more and it helps him out. The last one was l is label in the sense that any workout movements, and this relates to kind of workout, any workout movement that you do, you want to elongate yourself. Like any gymnastics movement, you want to elongate yourself. Any barbecue movement, any running movement, you want to have good form. It kind of goes back to the length form aspect of you want to find out the ways to make this simple. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Because have you ever seen live people do pull ups and they're just doing pull ups or push ups the wrong way and they're exerting so much more energy doing it the wrong way. That's what happens live if you lose, you break your forum brands. I mean, even talking to fitness coaches and everything, it's like, what can you get really good at? How can you build this plateaus in order to build length, in order to not waste energy. That's kind of the control aspect of the whole thing is I just kind of noticed it put an acronym to it because it basically controls your own destiny. You have to fit into the format of kind of what's going on in life is you have to adhere to the laws of nature then also being yourself and being good with that too. That's how I reflect the s*** time. 

 Sean Sullivan
 This control thing took me a couple of years, just like it took me years just to even reflect on and get there. It just all of a sudden I had an AHA moment. I'm like, what, this actually relates to live. My fitness goals actually relate to everything else and it relates to coaching control. 

 Josh Wilson
 It's CTRL capacity, tension, repetition lens. As we're going through this interview, man, I really like the way how you talked about your own emotions and personal grief, but then you brought in a scientific approach to how to heal, how to improve, and that was really neat. We're running out of time today, but I know that you're passionate about teaching this and being a part of this. Where can I go if they want to? Now, Sean Convergecoffee would be a great podcast to follow, but do you have any resources or is there any way to connect with you to learn more about this meeting things go and gaining control? Do you have any way for them to connect with you? 

 Sean Sullivan
 Heath I do. What I do is submit the contact form on Sean Convergecoffee or you can put a link in a link where I schedule appointments. I call them live, quote unquote therapy coaching. Because in naturality, this control process that I kind of help with people, it relates so much to burnout because we harbor things because we put too much emphasis on things and we start burning and we start just burning things both into the candle versus I gave you an example, for instance, I just kind of started to shop here with a private equity firm. Like, yeah, we need to do this, we need to do this. It's like, it culminates and it puts more anxiety on the person. At the point I was like, okay, what can I do today that will make the most impact? In some days I actually do longer meditation sessions because what I'm trying to do is I'm Dtkcoaching myself from the situation and all the anxiety and that current situation in order for my mind to process it, saying live, oh, what we can do today in an actuality here's the result of that. 

 Sean Sullivan
 They were throwing live strategy documents, all this kind of stuff, and I'm just soaking in the information and then all of a sudden on Monday I could have spent two to 3 hours or more slugging through and burning myself basically and burning out myself, going through and getting all this analytical implementation done for one client. Instead I made a meditation. I kind of reflected on that strategy document the next morning, knocked it out in an hour, done. You have to figure out what's the biggest impact. That's what I do is I offer coaching in on that in the sense of the data, in the repo and stuff. I ask people, I'm like do you journal, do you have a mindset coach? Do you have other things? Because I have other resources to people who are fantastic mindset coaches, their specialty is great. I'm just the optimizer on the back end from my experiences and just relate it with data. 

 Sean Sullivan
 Basically there are some wonderful mindset creators out there that have created wonderful programs and great visualizations and one can actually visualize and manifest your own destiny for you. He's wonderful. He's also another podcasting voice kind of guy and trying to get him into podcast. But I'm just very much the optimizer. I look at things and I tailor and I twist and I alter it in the sense that I pivot it because I want to make sure that you're staying on course. And how do we do that? That's usually through data, but that is in the sense of live, what are we capturing in order to make correlations and inferences to make sure that your blood is better. And so that's what I do. 

 Josh Wilson
 Yeah, super cool. So one more thing. How can I connect with you? Is it convergecoffee.com? 

 Sean Sullivan
 It's convergecoffee co yeah, so it's on the contact form. They can contact me there. I can get that into my email. If they want to schedule time, I schedule time to kind of do a booking and so yeah, it's almost a therapy session. You have to pay for it ahead of time because there's a lot of knowledge up here but I basically learn about them in that instance. What I do is with a lot of people that I've been kind of coaching along the way, I build out a retainer and I help people out in the sense of live. Do they need help this month or do they not need help this month? Essentially nine times out of ten they do. Sometimes they're just like hey, can I give you a call? We can talk through this because that's what people just want. They just want someone to talk to you and balance ideas off. 

 Sean Sullivan
 I've had a few people, you sent me a few people along the way and some people are like hey, I'm not ready yet, that's fine, I said, but just schedule an hour because in that hour I can disseminate information to you to the point where you're like, I can make action now. I had one client where I just disseminated everything of what she needed to do for her practice, how she needed to architecture, her bookings, what were her offerings, and she was live. Oh my God, sean, you basically simplified months of work onto a single page and just did it. So that's what I'm working on. It's just really helping people and just paying it forward because honestly, it's my life's passion to do this as well. As I mentioned earlier in the episode, the podcast is a true testament to my mom because she listened to it. 

 Sean Sullivan
 She was like, I live that you did this, you did something that was you. You're having other people have a platform to talk on. So that's what I love to do. I live to be the back end person of just Dtkcoaching you to get you to that high performance athlete, to your version of the high performance athlete. I'm just there on the sidelines to share you want to help you where you need, even if mocking your brow. I'll do that. I don't give a s***. I'll do the nitty gritty stuff too. That's my essential thing. It's just giving you kind of my advice, you take it or leave it. I'm doing this from a grateful, humble, open heart and just passing on my mom's legacy on to other people's too, as well as building my own awesome, ma'am. 

 Josh Wilson
 Sean, thanks for coming on, dudes. In the audience, as always, reach out to our guests and say thanks for being on the show. If what they said resonates with you, reach out and ask for help. If you need help or you want to give some help, maybe give some advice here on the show. Head. Shaahin Shaahin Cheyene uncensored advice for men. There's a quick Contact US form and just make you ask over there whether to get on the show or to get some help. We'll pair you up with one of our past guests or maybe point you to some resources. I love you guys. Hope you have a wonderful day. We'll talk to you all on the next episode. See you guys.